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May 28, 2020 · Certainly, sexual touch is important, too, but non-sexual physical contact appears to have unique benefits. In fact, this is a big part of the reason why Masters and Johnson, the pioneers of the modern sex therapy movement, incorporated non-sexual touching exercises into most of their couple’s treatment programs.
- Couples
The Power of Touch: Physical Affection is Important in...
- Couples
Jul 8, 2023 · Physical affection also plays an essential role in romantic relationships. It’s not limited to sexual intimacy; it includes the smaller moments of touch: hand-holding, cuddling, or a simple touch on the arm. These small instances of contact can keep the spark alive in a relationship, fostering closeness and a sense of connectedness.
Jul 14, 2022 · Touch, on the other hand, increases the production of immunoglobulin A. This helps to expand the number of white cells in the blood and boost the immune system. Physical contact also encourages our brains to produce more serotonin. It makes us feel relaxed and happy, and generally contributes to a sense of wellbeing.
- Overview
- What does it mean to be touch starved?
- What happens when we don't get enough physical touch?
- Causes and Contributing Factors of Touch Starvation
- Relationship Challenges
- Practical Solutions to Alleviate Touch Starvation
- How Therapy Can Help
- Why Touch Starvation Needs to Be Addressed
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We tend to think of physical touch as one of the five love languages, and perhaps something that isn't a priority for everyone. But whether you consider yourself a physically affectionate person or not, nonsexual touch plays an important role in all of our lives.
A lack of touch is called touch starvation or skin hunger. And even those of us who are averse to lots of physical contact with others benefit from some amount of it, and we suffer when we don't experience it.
At a Glance
It's normal to go for short periods of time without touch. Dr. Patrice Le Goy explains touch starvation as what occurs "when we go for an extended period of time without receiving physical touch from another person." You may notice touch starvation intensely, or it might be just a background feeling for you.
If you're in a relationship that lacks physical contact, you may be particularly frustrated. That's because as adults, our partners are the default place we receive affection and touch from. Whether you think about it a lot or a little, a lack of touch impacts you regardless, and it may cause a strain on your relationship if not addressed. Let's look at why that is.
As you might guess, when we are touch-starved we are less likely to thrive in the ways that we do when we experience touch on a regular basis.
Le Goy says that touch starvation can express itself as an assortment of emotional and physiological symptoms. "When we are starved for touch and are getting less oxytocin and more cortisol, it makes sense that we start showing symptoms of depression, stress, and anxiety," she tells us.
Childhood Care
Because it's so important for babies and children to be touched in order for them to grow properly both physically and emotionally, a lack of touch in childhood can create lifelong issues. "As children get older, not receiving adequate physical touch can lead to isolation, behavioral issues, and difficulty forming healthy relationship attachments," says Le Goy. Once we are adults, we may have an aversion to touch if we were not properly handled as kids. "As adults it can feel uncomfortable or unsafe to seek out that type of closeness," says Le Goy on what can occur when touch-starved children grow into adulthood.
Loss of Relationship
If you recently went through a breakup, you may be struck by how jarring the sensation of not being touched is. Le Goy says that you "may experience this after the loss of a relationship where they suddenly do not have that partner who was reliably providing them with that physical connection." If you are used to having someone with whom to hold hands and cuddle, and suddenly you don't, the change can feel profound.
COVID-19 Societal Changes
The pandemic changed numerous things about our day to day lives, and while it impacted some people more than others, no one was unaffected by it. That includes how we treat one another now in a physical sense. "We have to consider how the COVID-19 pandemic affected people’s fear around being close to each other, the isolation many people experienced, and what impact that has on us over time," says Le Goy. Studies have shown that touch hunger is indeed an unfortunate consequence of the pandemic. The Impact of Social Isolation on Mental Health
Some people shy away from their partner(s) when they're going through a rough time. Others stop being affectionate when they feel less attracted to someone. And for still others, conflicts in relationship that go unaddressed or unresolved can lead to a lack of interest in being physical.
When in a relationship, clear and kind communication is the most effective way to address and recover from touch starvation. If you notice your partner(s) touching you less, you can lead with curiosity instead of judgment, share what you are observing and check in with your partner about what may be happening, and work together to resolve the issues causing it.
As painful as it is for our overall emotional wellness to not experience touch, thankfully there are many ways of relieving skin hunger. Dr. Le Goy suggests the following practical ways you can alleviate touch starvation in your life, and reminds us that "it is important to remember that all physical touch counts—so if yours is due to losing a relationship partner, you don’t necessarily need to be in another romantic relationship in order to have these needs met." All of the following activities will help to release oxytocin and reduce your cortisol levels.
•Hug or request a hug from your friends and loved ones
•Holding hands
•Massage, whether self-massage or from a friend or professional bodywork practitioner
•Exercise, especially contact sports
•Petting or playing with a pet
Therapy can help us with anything going on in our lives, and touch starvation is no exception. Le Goy says that if you aren't sure whether or not you're experiencing skin hunger, "therapy can help you understand if you are touch starved." From there, she explains that "a therapist can help you come up with healthy strategies for alleviating the symptoms and regulating your emotions."
Beyond the introspection and practical advice that a therapist would be beneficial for, Le Goy notes that "sharing your feelings with someone can help you feel less isolated and more empowered and connected." Touch starvation involves a lack of connection physically, and working emotionally to connect with yourself is an excellent first step to connecting physically with others.
It might sound like a minor problem, but touch starvation is a serious issue that should not be ignored. Our need for touch begins at birth, and is critical for our proper development.
As adults, we continue to rely on touch to lower our stress hormones and keep happy chemicals such as oxytocin in our systems. Not addressing touch starvation can lead to depression, stress, and anxiety that it causes lasting longer than they otherwise would.
If you suspect you're suffering from touch starvation, it is worth looking into. You can begin by just trying one of the activities suggested, such as playing with a pet or hugging a loved one, and noticing how it makes you feel. If the difference is significant, it may be worth taking more steps to address and heal your touch starvation.
How to Find a Therapist
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Aug 1, 2020 · Regular hugs and touches can help strengthen your relationship, suggests a study in the June 2020 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. Researchers explored the effects of nonsexual intimate touch, such as hugging, holding hands, and cuddling, among 184 couples. The participants completed separate self-reports that recorded the amount ...
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Jul 11, 2017 · Touch is a fundamental human need. Touch is essential for babies’ development for their physical, emotional, and eventually social health. In fact, touch is the first of the five senses to develop. The need for positive touch, the connection, and the reassurance it can bring is literally in our DNA. “Touch comes before sight, before speech.
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Mar 31, 2021 · Affectionate touch, such as hugging, holding hands, kissing, or cuddling, is a way of expressing fondness, love, and support in our intimate relationships. It has been well documented that ...
