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- It's more than lust. It's important to recognize the difference between lust and love. While lust is one stage on the way to love, you're going to need more than physical attraction to make it last.
- You're not concerned with the risk. If anything, risk is what makes it exciting. Love pushes you to open yourself up completely to another person, to really be seen and understood.
- You feel calm and content around this person. Eventually, as the honeymoon phase dissipates and you and your partner really begin to see who the other is, there's a sense of calm familiarity.
- It just feels right. Love doesn't always have "good reasons," which is where the idea of unconditional love comes from. As holistic psychiatrist Ellen Vora, Ph.D., describes to mbg, it almost feels as though "there's a divine force telling me I'm on the right path.
- Overview
- Characteristics of True Love
- How does true love feel?
- How do I find it?
- Maintaining True Love
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The desire for love is universal. It's rare to encounter a human being who has never yearned for true love, but what does the term even mean?
We associate "true love" with fairytales and Disney, or with extravagant weddings and romantic films about couples overcoming adversity together and building a beautiful life together.
The concept of true love is even puzzling to researchers, with academic literature indicating love is an experience that boils down to a collection of emotions that further our ability to survive.
While there certainly is truth in this, from the drive to reproduce to the intense attachment that can provide support during the end of our lives, deep love can be hard to spot.
It isn’t uncommon to wonder if you’ve found true love, or if the love you once thought was your end game is fading, and if true love even lasts. We’ve got you. This article will help you spot and learn how to nurture deep, secure, love in—hopefully—its truest form.
To learn how to identify true love, it's important to understand the characteristics of it. A key component of true love is an unwavering sense of mutually feeling respected and valued. Speaking poorly of each other and breaking the agreed-upon boundaries of the relationship exist as the antithesis of these traits.
When it comes to the concept of love, it isn’t uncommon to hear people say you’ll just know. There’s good reason for this. An element of love is unspeakable, it is a feeling above all. “It goes beyond merely being heard; it’s about feeling that your words hold importance for your partner,” shares Consul. This feeling indicates emotional connection, trust, and vulnerability.
True love feels less like adrenaline and more like the sense of calm you're left with after receiving a much-needed hug. It doesn't leave you with questions or mixed-up emotions and feels authentic in a deeper way than what many of us have experienced.
However, things can get tricky. You can have a deep love for someone and also no longer wish to continue in a relationship with them. Though this may seem contradictory, such a predicament isn’t an indicator of a lack of depth, “True love doesn’t conquer all…it coexists with external circumstances that may end the relationship journey, but does not end the love,” says Consul.
Similarly, she shares that someone can also love another but be unable to truly express that love because they have yet to do important internal work. Alas, this is when we end up in the unfortunate predicament of emotional unavailability. Yet, in a secure loving relationship, both parties are dedicated to doing the work to ensure they are available for the sweetness a relationship can bring.
Dating to find true love can be a daunting task in a world where many people are just looking for casual connections. However, with some persistence, focus, and self-work, it is possible to not only find your match but to enjoy the journey along the way.
“With dating, a crucial aspect is self-awareness. That means understanding both your positive attributes and the baggage you carry,” explains Consul. She continued by acknowledging that while it is important to honor your strengths and deservingness of a great relationship, it is more critical that you’re aware of your baggage, generational patterns, trauma, and triggers. Once you have cultivated that awareness, you can do the deep self-work required to ensure you can show up to a romantic relationship with emotional availability and patience.
As for the logistics of dating? Somatic psychotherapist, coach, and mindfulness teacher Francesca Maximé gave us her thoughts: “Dating apps are always going to be an option, but try to meet people in real life.”
She suggests volunteering, joining a sports league, or taking a class as options. She continued by explaining that getting to know someone through a shared interest can take the pressure off of the early days of dating.
So, you’ve found the love. How do you keep it? According to Consul, the bedrock of a thriving, long-term relationship lies in sustained curiosity. Curiosity helps avoid assumptions, which in turn avoids judgment while fostering intimacy and solutions.
Beyond curiosity is effective communication. Research shows that the way a couple navigates conflict is directly indicative of the quality of the relationship. Conflict isn’t bad for a relationship and is a great way couples can learn how to navigate challenges together.
Jul 8, 2022 · True love feels like security and stability. What true love feels like is different for everyone, but in a loving relationship, true love can be easily associated with a steady amount of trust ...
- You feel a deep sense of empathy. When you’re in love, truly in love, you’ll find yourself deeply empathizing with your partner. Their happiness becomes your happiness and their pain, your pain.
- You accept them for who they are. True love comes with seeing all the flaws and imperfections in a person and accepting them wholeheartedly. If you’ve found yourself not just tolerating, but embracing your partner’s quirks and flaws, you’re experiencing a level of acceptance that’s indicative of true love.
- There’s a sense of calm in your relationship. Often, we associate love with intense emotions and heart palpitations. However, when you’ve found true love, there’s a sense of calm and peace that prevails.
- Your happiness increases when you’re together. This isn’t about relying on your partner for your happiness, but rather, noticing a significant increase in your joy when you’re with them.
Sep 7, 2023 · You have intrusive thoughts about them that frequently interrupt your ability to work, relax, or interact with others. You struggle with intense feelings of jealousy or anxiety about the ...
Sep 30, 2016 · Avoid the “tit for tat” mentality. Love is an action each of us must choose for ourselves. When we start measuring what we do for each other, we create expectations and breed resentment instead of staying in touch with how good it feels to be loving toward someone else. Support the things that light your partner up.
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Apr 14, 2015 · True love requires a romantic comedy, not a love story. Two selfish creatures committing to a partnership need an ironic frame, ... even though it may feel like the latter. 4. Each partner is a ...
