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What causes abandonment issues?
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Jun 29, 2023 · Abandonment issues are often tied to underlying causes, such as experiencing childhood trauma or having a condition like borderline personality disorder (BPD).
- Overview
- What are the symptoms?
- Symptoms of abandonment issues in children
- Risk factors
- What causes abandonment issues?
- How to treat abandonment issues
- Helping someone with fear of abandonment
- Recovery
- What’s the outlook?
Abandonment issues usually stem from some kind of loss, abuse, or unmet needs. In the long term, they can lead to relationship problems. Therapy may help you overcome your fear of abandonment and build healthy relationships.
Fear of abandonment is a type of anxiety that some people experience when faced with the idea of losing someone they care about. Everyone deals with death or the end of relationships in their lifetime. Loss is a natural part of life.
However, people with abandonment issues live in fear of these losses. They may also exhibit behaviors that push people to leave so they’re never surprised by the loss.
A fear of abandonment isn’t a recognized condition or mental health disorder, per se. Instead, it’s considered a type of anxiety and is treated as such.
Initial behaviors of abandonment fear are often not purposeful.
Over time, however, the reaction these behaviors get — plus the attention that comes with it — can become self-reinforcing. That can cause someone to repeat the behaviors in order to get the response again.
People with abandonment fears exhibit many of the same behaviors, though some may be more prominent than others. These symptoms include:
•Cycling through relationships. Some may engage in numerous shallow relationships. They may fear intimacy and find a reason to leave a relationship before the other person can.
•Sabotaging relationships. Some may act irrationally to get out of relationships. For example, you may knowingly push away a partner so you won’t feel hurt if they leave.
•Clinging to unhealthy relationships. Some people with abandonment issues may stay in relationships despite a desire to leave. The fear of being alone is more powerful.
Kids with healthy emotional attachments to their parents often become upset when they’re left, even if only for a short time.
Some level of this reaction is natural. However, it may be a sign of an underlying mental health condition when it leads to:
•Separation anxiety. If a child becomes anxious about their parents going somewhere in advance, the child may be expressing abandonment fears.
•Panic. If a child begins to panic when they don’t see their parents, their overreaction may be a sign of an issue.
Some abandonment issues and fears become invasive. They can prevent someone from leading a normal, healthy life.
A history of any of the following may increase the risk of a type of abandonment fear:
•Neglect. People who have been neglected, abused, or abandoned, especially during childhood, are more likely to develop this issue. Likewise, adults who were neglected as a child are more likely to repeat the behaviors with their own children.
•Stress. High levels of stress may make naturally occurring anxiety worse. This can worsen fears and lead to new anxieties.
Healthy human development requires knowing that physical and emotional needs are met. During childhood, this reassurance comes from parents. During adulthood, it can come from personal and romantic relationships.
Events can interrupt this assurance at any age. When this happens, abandonment fears may develop. These events may include:
•Death. Death is natural, but that doesn’t make it less traumatic. Losing a loved one unexpectedly can create an emotional void that can be filled by fear.
•Abuse. Physical and sexual abuse, along with other types of abuse, can create lingering mental health issues, including a fear of abandonment.
•Poverty. If basic needs aren’t met, this can lead to a scarcity mindset. This may lead to fears that emotional resources, such as love, attention, and friendship, are likewise limited.
•Relationship loss. Divorce, death, infidelity — they all happen. For some individuals, the end of a relationship can be too painful. It may lead to lingering fears.
Treatment for abandonment issues focuses on establishing healthy emotional boundaries. You need to build an arsenal of responses to deploy when you feel old thought patterns emerging again.
Primary treatments for abandonment issues include:
•Therapy. Seek out the help of a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor. They can help you overcome fears of being abandoned. They’ll also work with you to understand where the fear originates and what you can do when you sense the fear rising.
•Self-care. People with abandonment issues may benefit from self-care. Making sure emotional needs are met is important for friendships and relationships. This way, you’re able to better provide for your partner, friend, or child.
Pause the conversation
Highly emotional conversations will inevitably become unproductive. When this happens, pause the conversation. Let them know you care but step away for a few hours. Be supportive of both yourself and the person with abandonment fears. People with abandonment issues may struggle more with this, particularly if their conversation partner leaves without telling them where they’re going. Let them know: •where you’re going •how long you’ll be away •when you’ll return When you return, begin the conversation from a less emotional place.
Support and validate their fears
Validation is an important part of trust in a relationship. When supporting a loved one with a fear of abandonment, validation means that you acknowledge their feelings without judgment. Such understanding of their fears is a key to maintaining communication. Validating a loved one’s fears doesn’t necessarily mean you agree with them. Instead, you’re supporting their feelings to further build on trust and compassion. Consider this six-level approach Psychology Today identified to help you get started: 1.Be present. Actively listen to your loved one’s concerns without multitasking. 2.Reflect. Summarize your loved one’s feelings verbally in an authentic way so you can reach an understanding without judgment. 3.Mind-reading. Sometimes it can be difficult for loved ones to describe their emotional states as fear. By listening to them, you can help them identify their emotions for deeper understanding. This level takes a lot of practice with being present and reflecting. 4.Understand their history. This is an even deeper form of acknowledgment. You know your loved one’s fears and openly state that you understand how a certain situation might be triggering due to their past history of abandonment. 5.“Normalize” their fears. Such normalization is done by acknowledging the fact that others with your loved one’s history could have fears of abandonment, so what they’re feeling is completely understandable. 6.Radical genuineness. As the deepest level of validation, radical genuineness involves sharing your loved one’s fears as your own. It’s just as important to prevent saying things that might invalidate your loved one’s fears. Avoid unhelpful phrases, such as: •“It’s OK, just let it go.” •“Everything happens for a reason.” •“That didn’t really happen to you.” •“Why are you making such a big deal out of nothing?” •“Things could be a lot worse; you’re lucky.”
Don’t take the emotional bait
A person with a fear of abandonment may use facial expressions, ambiguous statements, or vague body language to draw attention. Don’t bite. When they tell you nothing is wrong, or they don’t want to talk about it, take them at their word. Requesting that they open up can turn into a way to test you.
Treatment for this type of anxiety can be very successful. It requires commitment and self-care to feel more confident in relationships — but it can be done.
For many people with these issues, worries may linger. A therapist can teach you how to cope with these thoughts when they pop up.
Many individuals with abandonment issues may not recognize how destructive their behaviors are. They may purposefully endanger relationships as a way of avoiding hurt.
These behaviors can lead to long-term relationship problems in personal and professional settings.
Treatment for abandonment issues focuses on helping people understand the underlying factors that lead to the behavior.
Treatment can also teach coping mechanisms to help manage these anxieties in the future. This can lead to normal, healthy relationships.
Sep 14, 2022 · Abandoment issues can manifest in a variety of forms, with affecting relationships being the most known. Learn the signs, causes, and how to overcome abandonment issues from the experts.
- Fears of abandonment can usually be traced back to specific painful experiences of being betrayed, hurt, or abandoned by someone. Often, abandonmen...
- Because abandonment issues are closely linked to childhood traumas, research done on the long-term effects of childhood trauma may also apply to th...
- In addition to working with a counselor, there are also some things you can do on your own to help overcome your abandonment issues, including:Dete...
Jul 2, 2024 · Abandonment trauma is the fear or anxiety of people you are close to leaving you. People struggling with abandonment fear may have trouble building healthy relationships.
- You Attach Too Quickly. As soon as you meet someone, you go from first date to “in a relationship” in the blink of an eye. You believe that if you don’t do this, you risk them dating someone else they like more.
- You Move On Too Quickly. When one relationship ends, you don’t give yourself time to breathe (and grieve) before you’re on to the next one. You don’t deal with the emotional fallout of the breakup.
- You’re A Partner Pleaser. You aim to please people at every opportunity including in your relationships. The result is weak personal boundaries and a willingness to go along with whatever your partner wants.
- You Stay In / Settle For Unhealthy Relationships. Rather than being alone, you are willing to remain in a situation that you know deep down isn’t good for you.
Dec 20, 2021 · There are different causes and coping mechanisms for fear of abandonment, but getting to the root of trust issues requires a deeper look at attachment styles. What are abandonment issues? Abandonment issues are an unhealthy fear that the people, places, and things you've grown attached to will eventually leave or reject you.
Feb 13, 2023 · Abandonment issues are a form of anxiety that negatively impacts relationships. It causes excess stress and worry over loved ones leaving them.
