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Jul 12, 2019 · The best way of taking away the damaging power of a secret is either to confess it, reveal it, or enhance your practice of mindfulness so that your brain gets trained to focus on the...
- Should You Keep a Secret?
Key points. Sharing a secret with just one other person...
- The Most Common Secrets We Keep
Some secrets you keep entirely to yourself, and others...
- Should You Keep a Secret?
- Overview
- Keeping Someone Else’s Secret
- Keeping Your Own Secret
- Avoiding the Topic
- Satisfying Your Urge to Tell
- Knowing When to Tell
Being entrusted with a secret can be both a delight and a burden. You should be honored that someone trusts you enough to tell you a secret, but be aware that if you betray that trust, you could damage your relationship with the person who told you. You may also be keeping your own secret, which can be just as difficult as keeping someone else’s se...
Know the seriousness of the secret before you hear it.
If someone tells you ahead of time that they are going to tell you a secret, ask for more information first.
Find out if it is a “little” secret or a “big” secret. This will tell you how important it is that you keep the secret. It will also tell you if you need to give the person your undivided attention while they disclose their secret (looking at your phone while having a serious talk is poor etiquette).
Prepare yourself to listen to the secret, knowing if it is something that you can handle.
If the secret in question could have legal consequences if you reveal it, you'll need to be even more careful to
Ask how long you must keep the secret.
Decide how long you want to keep the secret.
Depending on the type of secret, it may have a built-in end point.
Something like a pregnancy or a surprise gift will have a natural end date.
Other secrets might not have a natural ending point, and you will just have to decide when you will be ready to tell people.
Try waiting a few days if you feel very emotional about the secret. You may regret telling someone immediately, and giving yourself a few days to calm down may help you make more rational decisions about when to tell people and who to tell.
Make a plan for telling someone.
Do not bring up the topic to anyone.
If you bring up the topic of the secret in a conversation with someone, you will likely be tempted to tell the secret. You may (consciously or subconsciously) bring up a related topic hoping that you will have the opportunity to tell the secret. Being aware of this can help keep you from doing it subconsciously.
Change the conversation topic if necessary.
If you are talking to someone who mentions something related to the secret, you may need to change the topic of conversation.
Continuing to talk about something that reminds you of the secret will put it in the front of your mind and may tempt you to tell.
Try to change the subject casually so that the person does not notice that you are avoiding telling her something.
Write it down and destroy it.
Writing about the secret in detail on paper, then destroying the evidence, can be a good way to “get it out.”
Be sure you thoroughly destroy the evidence. Consider burning it (safely) or shredding it in a paper shredder.
If you put it in a trash can, tear it into pieces and bury it underneath the trash. Consider putting the pieces in separate trash cans and/or taking the trash out to the curb or dumpster immediately after throwing the paper away.
Find an anonymous place online to tell.
There are some forums for posting secrets so you can get it out but remain completely anonymous.
Evaluate whether the secret is dangerous.
If the secret involves one or more people being hurt, you may need to tell someone who can help, particularly if there are children involved.
If someone is harming or has harmed themselves or another person, you may need to report it.
If someone is involved in criminal activity and tells you about it, you might be held legally responsible for not reporting the action.
Know if there is an end point or deadline.
If you asked about telling the secret when you found out, double-check to see if it is still an appropriate time before you start telling people. Some events, like surprise parties, will have an obvious “secret” deadline.
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Apr 27, 2010 · Whether you’re dealing with the aftermath of infidelity or emotional betrayal, Dating and Transformation Coach Manj Bahra offers 5 practical steps to help you heal from betrayal and rebuild your life.
Sep 20, 2021 · Key points. Sharing a secret with just one other person assumes it will eventually reach "unauthorized parties." Telling someone a secret and then asking for their confidentiality afterward...
Jun 3, 2022 · Some secrets you keep entirely to yourself, and others you’ve shared with at least one person but still keep from others.
Jan 11, 2024 · Keeping secrets is generally thought of as quite a negative thing. Some research we've covered, for example, has found that secrets can leave us feeling literally weighed down, while other work has shown that even children understand why secrets can be damaging when handled badly.
Aug 11, 2021 · Be familiar with ways to keep secrets. If you don’t want everyone to know your secret, DO NOT TELL ANYONE! What's my secret? - I'll never tell.
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