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Aug 2, 2024 · When you feel resentment against your parents, siblings, or extended family members, it can break down those family bonds and harm relationships. Family members resent each other for...
- Passionate ‘Kin Keepers’
- Ancestors Behaving Badly
- Ancestors Treated Cruelly
- Sad Stories
- Family Secrets and Betrayal
- Moral Dilemmas
- Healthy Outcomes from Bad Feelings
- How Can Family and Professionals Help?
In 2019, Doreen Rosenthal and I surveyed 775 Australian hobbyist family historians to examine their motivations. They were adults aged between 21 and 93, but most were older and the median age was 63. The majority (85%) were women. This seems to be typical of hobbyist family historians. Women often take on the role of “kin keeper” – and have the ti...
The first and most common distress trigger was the discovery of ancestors who had behaved badly – either as individuals, or by profiting from unjust social conditions. Finding these forebears made family historians feel confronted, shocked and sometimes ashamed. They said things like: And: Read more: Truth telling and giving back: how settler colon...
It was also distressing to discover ancestors who had been cruelly treated. This elicited disturbing, even “heartbreaking” feelings – and, at least implicitly, indignation at injustice. Many were deeply moved by what their ancestors experienced. As one survey respondent put it:
Sadness was often specifically mentioned. As in the case of my great great grandmother who died in childbirth, sadness was usually a response to the hardships and tragedies ancestors faced in more challenging times. Women commonly did not survive childbirth, neonatal deaths were frequent, people died of diseases medical science has now conquered. P...
The fourth distress trigger was a belief by the family history researcher that they had been betrayed by other family members: through secrets, lies and feeling their lived experience was ignored or denied. This is particularly likely for those who discover “secrets” about their parentage – for example, the late-life discovery of adoption, parental...
Finally, several respondents expressed doubt and confusion at the moral dilemmas they faced on discovering information that could greatly distress other living relatives. Should they tell or not? An emotional burden attaches to withholding potentially distressing information of this kind. Yet there is also guilt and fear about the possible outcomes...
Sometimes these distressing feelings can promote healthy, growth-enhancing outcomes. After the initial shock, some traumatic genealogical discoveries lead to a greater understanding of the past and its influence. Placing ancestors’ maladaptive or distressing behaviours, or their misfortunes, into historical and social context can help with acceptan...
I processed my great great grandmother’s story by writing it down and sharing it with family members. We reworked our sadness at her fate into a positive family narrative, emphasising her bravery and the strengths her surviving children showed. Support can mean just disclosing these stories to family members, friends and other family historians. Bu...
With your family history, however, the slightest reminder of a previous resentment may lead you to feel like you are stuck in an unrelenting Groundhog Day, where past crimes are repeating...
Apr 17, 2023 · Anecdotal evidence suggests that the popular pastime of exploring one’s family history can unleash strong emotions, both positive and negative. The aim of this study was to chart the extent and nature of negative emotions among family historians, and profile those most vulnerable to distress.
Aug 26, 2022 · But when you feel resentment, you might ask yourself these eight questions: From what wound does the resentment spring? If the resentment could speak, what needs does the resentment wish...
Dec 2, 2020 · Their emotional connection to the past is key to the development of their historical knowledge. I demonstrate some of the different ways in which family history allows researchers to use social history to link the past to the present in powerful ways, transforming individuals’ understandings of themselves and the wider world.
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Oct 6, 2019 · We all feel resentment at times. But like a lot of strong emotions, it is not itself the problem. Rather, it is the indicator of a problem lurking underneath.
