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Jan 23, 2017 · 1. The lie does matter ... to them. The number one reason people lie when it just doesn’t matter is because they actually do think it matters. While everyone around them thinks it’s...
- Research Reveals the Most Common Reasons People Lie
New research indicates the most common reasons for lying are...
- Research Reveals the Most Common Reasons People Lie
Jan 3, 2023 · Whether you’re trying to understand why you lie so much or are looking for ways to change your bad habit, we’ve got you covered! In this article, we’ll answer all your questions about why people lie, help you spot signs of lying too much, and give you the best tips to break your lying habit.
- Overview
- Examine your triggers
- Think about the kind of lies you tell
- Practice setting — and sticking to — your boundaries
- Ask yourself, ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’
- Take it one day at a time
- You can tell the truth without telling all
- Consider the goal of the lie
- Practice acceptance
- Avoid trying to justify or validate dishonesty
You may be able to stop lying through tactics including self-reflection, including understanding the thoughts and feelings behind your lies.
Most people have told a lie or two in their lifetime. Maybe they twist the truth to keep someone from getting hurt. Or, maybe they mislead someone in order to achieve an end goal. Others might lie to themselves about their true feelings.
But the stories we tell can sometimes get away from us, and lies can have serious consequences.
If lying’s become a more regular habit in your life, try not to be too hard on yourself. After all, most people do lie, even if they don’t admit it.
The next time you find yourself in a lie, stop and pay attention to what’s going on inside.
Ask yourself:
•Where are you?
•Who are you with?
•How do you feel?
•Are you lying to make yourself feel better or avoid making someone feel bad?
Types of lies
•white lies •lies by omission •exaggerations •“gray” or subtle lies •complete untruths Was this helpful? Narrowing down the type of lying you tend to engage in can help you better understand the reasons behind your lying. Maybe you exaggerate your achievements at work because you believe you’re less successful than your friends. Or, maybe you don’t tell your partner about your lunch with an ex because, even though you have no intention of cheating, you worry what they might think.
“Sure, hanging out sounds great!”
“I’d love to have you over for a few days.”
“No, I’m not too busy. I can definitely help with that project.”
Do any of those phrases sound familiar? Have you said them without an ounce of sincerity? Maybe they’re half true: You’d like to hang out but you aren’t feeling it right this minute.
You might feel more motivated to lie if you have a hard time creating boundaries in your personal or professional life. These lies might not seem like a big deal, but they can take a toll on you.
It’s not always easy to say no, especially if you don’t want to hurt a friend’s feelings or face possible consequences at work. But being more assertive about your needs can help you speak up about what’s best for you.
Remember the old adage, “honesty is the best policy”? There’s a reason it’s stuck around. Lying (or omitting the truth) really doesn’t help anyone, including yourself.
If you lie because you think the truth will upset someone or cause harm, ask yourself what the worst outcome would be if you decided to tell the truth. Chances are, it’s not as bad as you think.
Imagine that you have a brother who really wants you to help with his new startup idea. You aren’t feeling it and keep putting him off. Eventually, he might eventually give up on the whole idea because he can’t do it alone.
If you told him the truth, the worst case scenario would likely be that he gets upset at first. But after that initial reaction, he might seek out a partner who’s completely onboard. This will only help him in the long run.
If you’re trying to be more honest, don’t attempt to flip a switch and stop lying entirely from that point forward. Sure, it might sound like a good plan, but it’s not realistic.
Instead, just commit to being more truthful each day. If you slip up or find yourself back in a lie, don’t get discouraged. You can make a different choice tomorrow.
If acquaintances, co-workers, or family members ask prying questions about your personal life, you might feel tempted to lie and get them off your back. At the same time, you aren’t obligated to give everyone open access to your life.
You don’t have to lie to avoid sharing details you’d rather keep private. Instead, try a polite but firm refusal, such as, “That’s between me and (partner’s name),” or, “I’d rather not say.”
Dishonesty might help you stall when you need to make a decision, but it generally doesn’t solve problems.
Say you want to break up with a casual partner, but you’re finding it hard to start the conversation. Instead, you offer excuses like, “I’m really busy with work this week,” or “I’m not feeling well” whenever they try to make a date.
From your perspective, this is a kinder way of saying you don’t want to see them. In reality, you’re just prolonging the breakup process. They might fail to pick up your hints, remain invested, and have a harder time when you actually do reach the point of breaking up.
In this example, your desire to hurt them less could actually end up causing them more pain.
Everyone lies for unique reasons, says Kim Egel. She adds that some people might find the truth more distressing than the consequences of lying. In other words, “we lie when telling the truth surpasses our comfort zone.”
Discomfort with the truth can lead to lies that attempt to control or change a situation. If you feel unhappy or distressed by something but believe you can’t change it, you might attempt to deceive yourself and others instead of accepting how you truly feel.
“We lie because that’s what we were taught to do,” Egel says.
There’s a good chance when you were a kid, one of your parents said something like this: “Even if you don’t like your birthday present from Grandma, tell her it’s just what you wanted so you don’t hurt her feelings.”
Bryant’s 2008 study suggests most people generally accept white lies as harmless. In some cases, white lies might even be encouraged as a common part of social interaction.
Egel believes “there’s always a way to express truth in a classy, well-intentioned, and respectable way.” She goes on to explain that while lying can damage your relationships with others, it can also damage the relationship you have with yourself.
“When we start breaking trust within our own world,” she says, “that inauthenticity spiderwebs from there.”
Instead of justifying why a lie is necessary to protect someone’s feelings, put that energy toward finding a way to achieve that same goal by telling the truth.
- Crystal Raypole
Dec 21, 2022 · New research indicates the most common reasons for lying are altruistic (i.e., to protect others from harm). Research shows personality is associated with lying motivations (e.g., openness...
- Arash Emamzadeh
Apr 19, 2022 · Key points. Although many people tell an occasional lie, for others, lying is a way of life, making it impossible for you ever to trust them. According to a new approach known as Mimicry...
Aug 12, 2022 · There are many reasons people might lie, such as: avoiding offending someone they care about. protecting themselves from a perceived threat. feelings of shame or guilt. avoiding conflict or...
Nov 14, 2022 · Pathological lying is defined by some experts as lying five or more times daily, every day, for longer than six months. There are different types of lying with symptoms that are similar to pathological liar signs, including habitual lying, white lying, and compulsive lying.
People also ask
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