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Jan 3, 2023 · Whether you’re trying to understand why you lie so much or are looking for ways to change your bad habit, we’ve got you covered! In this article, we’ll answer all your questions about why people lie, help you spot signs of lying too much, and give you the best tips to break your lying habit.
Jan 5, 2020 · Many lies are trivial and are told simply to keep the peace or make someone feel good. Examples include niceties such as “You can’t tell that you’re wearing a toupee!” or “The turkey doesn’t...
- Overview
- Signs of a Compulsive Liar
- Causes of Compulsive Lying
- What Is a Pathological Liar vs. Compulsive Liar?
- How to Deal With a Compulsive Liar
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We all tell lies occasionally. The average person tells two lies a day. However, some people tell several lies a day as a way of coping with various social situations.
Compulsive liars are people who have very little control over their tendency to use lying as a coping skill, says Aimee Daramus, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist. “They may lie to manage social situations or meet their own psychological needs of safety, security, or belonging.”
For instance, a compulsive liar may tell a quick lie to avoid discomfort or make up something to make them seem more desirable, says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist, and professor at Yeshiva University. “There are usually themes in their lies, such as: they are heroic, they have a lot of accomplishments, or they are deserving of sympathy.”
We asked the experts how to deal with compulsive liars and they recommended encouraging the person to get professional help, while also setting boundaries in your relationship with them to protect yourself.
This article explores the signs and causes of compulsive lying and suggests some strategies to help you deal with someone in your life who is a compulsive liar.
These are some of the signs that someone is lying, according to Dr. Romanoff:
•Telling stories with extensive details to make them seem more real
•Appearing anxious while speaking
•Frequently changing their story
•Saying one thing but doing another
•Being vague when questioned
Mental Health Conditions and Compulsive Lying
According to Dr. Daramus, people who lie compulsively may do so because they have a mental health condition such as: Personality disorders Anxiety disorders Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) Substance use disorder Trauma However, it’s important to note that everyone who lies compulsively doesn’t necessarily have a mental health condition and everyone who has these mental health conditions isn’t necessarily a compulsive liar.
Lying as a Coping Skill
Many people who lie compulsively use it as a coping skill, because it protected them or solved a problem, perhaps when they were very young, says Dr. Daramus. “So, if someone is a compulsive liar, they’ve probably had to handle some tough situations where lying helped them cope or kept them safe.” A 2016 study notes that the brain gets accustomed to dishonesty. The researchers studied participants’ brains to see what happens when they lie and found that the more someone lies, the easier it becomes for them to tell bigger, more frequent lies.
Lying pathologically is not quite the same as lying compulsively. Below, Dr. Romanoff explains the difference between pathological liars and compulsive liars:
•Compulsive lying: Compulsive liars often lie out of habit, because it comes easily to them. They often lie in low-stakes situations where there is little to gain, beyond basic social impression management. These lies cause little immediate harm but erode trust over time.
•Pathological lying: Pathological liars are often motivated to lie for personal gain, to harm others, or to the detriment of those they deceive.
Why Most People Lie to Their Therapist (And Why You Should Tell the Truth)
Don’t Take It Personally
When you realize someone is lying to you, you may find yourself wondering what you did wrong or whether your behavior has anything to do with it. However, it’s important to avoid taking the person’s lies personally and remember that their compulsion to lie reflects more on them than it does on you, says Dr. Romanoff.
Explain How Their Lies Are Affecting You
If you do catch the person in a lie, try not to get frustrated and get into a back and forth of pulling for the truth, says Dr. Romanoff. Instead, talk to them and let them know how their lies are affecting you. For example, you could say: “I was angry and upset when I found out you lied to me.” “If you lie to me, it’s difficult for me to rely on you to get this done.” “It’s hard for me to trust that you’re telling me the truth now.”
Encourage Them to Get Help
Encourage the person to see a mental healthcare provider who can help them understand why they’re lying, diagnose whether they have an underlying mental disorder, and help them develop healthier coping mechanisms. You can make your connection with them contingent on their getting therapy with a trained professional, says Dr. Daramus.
Feb 10, 2023 · 12 Tips to Break a Lying Habit. Find triggers. Know your lie type. Set boundaries. Consider the worst. Start small. Maintain privacy. Evaluate the goal. Learn acceptance. Don't justify....
- Crystal Raypole
Sep 23, 2013 · Compassion Matters. Trust. Why We Lie and How to Stop. The many lies we tell hurt us in the end. Posted September 23, 2013 | Reviewed by Abigail Fagan. There’s a scene in the movie...
Jan 23, 2017 · 1. The lie does matter ... to them. The number one reason people lie when it just doesn’t matter is because they actually do think it matters. While everyone around them thinks it’s an...
Aug 12, 2022 · There are many reasons people might lie, such as: avoiding offending someone they care about. protecting themselves from a perceived threat. feelings of shame or guilt. avoiding conflict or...
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