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- Crazy, Not Crazy. Widow Brain or Widow Fog is real. Also known as Grief Fog since it is not limited to those who’ve lost a spouse, is a phenomenon where the body strains to cope with the trauma of loss.
- Get Ready for a New Financial Norm. I distinctly remember not having enough money the first couple months after my husband died. He died on a Sunday and his employer was quick to cut pay and benefits on Monday, but of course the bills didn’t stop.
- Grief is a Tricky Thing. Unbridled grief, for me, continues to be triggered by the little things, not the big. That first year (and the second, and the third) his birthday, our anniversary, Father’s Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and 4 of July (one of his favorite holidays) came and went with tears over pictures and lit candles and dinners at beloved restaurants.
- Death is Not Serene. Another thing that fed my grief was the way my husband died: a terminal cancer diagnosis in November 2017 and death from kidney failure brought on by chemotherapy in March 2018.
- Lean on those who love you – Especially in the beginning. Let them bring you food, or give you financial support, or run errands for you, or watch your kids for you.
- People say insensitive things when they don’t understand, ignore them – They don’t mean it. And worse even, they think they’re helping, but really they’re uncomfortable and want to fix the unfixable.
- See a therapist – Just do it. Having a professional, neutral and unbiased resource who can help you comprehend and sift through the confusing and complicated feelings that grief brings in is endlessly helpful.
- Hydrate and nourish yourself – I know you may not feel hungry or thirsty, but our bodies need fuel to function optimally. This is especially true in the face of lifes most difficult challenges.
- Time is never enough: Regardless of the duration of your relationship, losing your partner feels like an eternal loss. Whether you spent one day or several decades together, the feeling of being robbed of precious moments is universal among widows.
- I knew, but I still wasn’t ready: Even if you anticipate your spouse’s passing due to illness or other circumstances, the emotional preparation is never enough.
- Memories of the funeral: In the midst of grief, certain details of the funeral and burial become hazy, if not entirely forgotten. The intensity of emotions can create a numbing effect, protecting our minds from fully absorbing the traumatic events surrounding the loss.
- The emotions of fresh grief: The immediate aftermath of losing a spouse is filled with a huge mix of emotions. Surprisingly, my initial reaction wasn’t overwhelming sadness; it was relief.
- Step 1: Take Care of Immediate Things
- Step 2: Find and Organize Key Documents
- Step 3: Take Inventory
- Step 4: Pull The Pieces Together
- Step 5: Build A Team of Trusted Advisers
- Step 6: Plan For Your Immediate Future
- Step 7: Plan Things For Your Loved Ones
In the beginning of this journey, the grief you feel may be debilitating and taking even the smallest steps might be difficult. The challenge is to take small steps forward, even though it feels impossible. In addition to managing your grief, you will have to handle certain affairs immediately. Notifying family members, loved ones and family advise...
The hard reality to face when losing a partner is that you may now be solely in charge of your finances. In most couples, one person handles the bills and accounts, so if the finances were handled by the deceased partner, this will be a particularly stressful time with many questions about what to pay and how to access the accounts. As you process ...
Once you have located and organized the estate documents, the next step is creating a full inventory of the assets. Using a checklist, pull together all financial documents pertaining to assets and debts owed by you and your life partner. Gather bank statements, real estate deeds, investment accounts, retirement account statements such as from IRAs...
Next, it’s important to know what to expect as you move forward with the legal administration of your partner’s estate. Each state has specific procedures to follow when there is a will and when there is not. Each state also has probate laws outlining the process for what must be done and when and who has the authority to handle the estate. Probate...
Once you have organized all necessary documents, you may not know where to go from there. That’s why it’s a good idea to build a team of trusted financial and legal advisers to help settle your partner’s estate. Your team should address all of the steps for completing probate and administering your partner’s estate. Taking the time to vet attorneys...
This step involves understanding what assets you had as a couple, the income available to you as the widow or widower and how to take care of your loved ones in your new stage of life. Create a new household budget and think about your own financial objectives and retirement objectives. Also, share your income and expense information with your fina...
Now is the time to ensure your own estate plan is in order to create peace of mind so your loved ones will have a clear roadmap for your wishes. Start with updating or creating key documents that will kick in if you’re unable to make health or financial decisions for yourself: your health care proxy (also known as an advance health care directive) ...
Aug 8, 2023 · Here are the 9 activities that have helped me: Finding a Support Group: A few months after becoming a widow, I joined an online widows' support group. I currently co-moderate this group. We...
Mar 26, 2017 · The start of year two has caused me to pause and reflect back on my first year as a widow. I desperately needed to identify any progress I made in order to figure out how I was going to deal...
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Apr 30, 2021 · Whether you are a widow, widower, or a friend/family member showing support, or walking in the loss of another family member, everyone is welcomed to participate. The deadline to register is May 15, 2021.
