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Nov 9, 2022 · What it means to take a break in a relationship. The best-case break scenario is created when two committed partners mutually agree to pause their relationship for the benefit of one or both parties.
Mar 28, 2017 · When people are told to act ‘as if’ it can seem like you are being encouraged to deny your current reality, and just engage in a big old game of pretend. And as many people have found, this tends not to work too well.
- Overview
- What does it mean to “take a break”?
- Pros of Breaks
- Cons of Breaks
- When to Take a Break
- Initiating the Break
- Handling the Break
- Ending the Break
Understand what taking a break in a relationship entails, how it differs from a breakup, and why couples choose to do it
What does it mean to “take a break”?
When you’ve been with somebody for a while, your relationship might be in need of a bit of reflection. This could be because things aren’t going so well—or because things are headed toward forever-land, and you want to slow it down a bit to make sure that’s what you really want. But what exactly is a break, and how does it differ from a breakup? We're here to cover all the ins and outs of relationship breaks—plus, we've even included some expert advice on how to set the best ground rules for you and your SO.
This article is based on an interview with our relationship counselor, Jason Polk, owner of Colorado Relationship Recovery.
Check out the full interview here.
Couples may take a break to get some space from their partner and reevaluate the relationship.
A break is a pause in a relationship to reflect and reevaluate.
Couples might take a break if their relationship is on the rocks and they could use some time away from one another to be alone and breathe. People take breaks with the intention of either reconciling or officially breaking up after the break has ended.
During the break, the couple sees one another less, but otherwise they hold themselves accountable to their partner and still view themselves as in a relationship.
There’s no official “template” for what a break looks like, but there are things a couple needs to consider and discuss before going on a break such as logistics (How long will the break be? How often can they talk?) and ground rules (What can they talk about? Can they see anyone else during the break?)
the same thing as a breakup.
Rather, the relationship is “on hold” so the partners can work through issues either individually or together or both. Couples on a break are still together, but they are taking space apart to reevaluate what they want out of their relationship. Breaks may end in breakups, but they could also end in the couples recommitting to one another or even getting married.
You might gain more certainty about your relationship.
Sometimes, when you’ve been with someone for a while and you see them all the time, it can be hard to see the forest for the trees: is your dissatisfaction due to your relationship—or life in general? Should you marry this person—or keep looking for someone “better”? Breaks can help couples untangle their emotions and get some fresh air while still remaining committed to one another.
Many folks get married after taking a break—or break up permanently. Time apart gives each partner valuable perspective about their relationship and whether they want to stay in it or not.
While a break may end in reconciliation, there’s also potential for one or both parties in the relationship to realize they don’t want to get back together. This is difficult, but it’s better to know the relationship won’t work than to keep pretending.
A break can bring you and your partner closer together.
Time apart can give a couple a fresh perspective on the relationship. In your partner’s absence, you may realize how much you value them and rely on their support. You may even learn that problems you attributed to the relationship are actually just general life problems that you needed to be alone to solve, or that your partner can help you solve.
A break might just be postponing an inevitable breakup.
Sometimes, couples take a break when they know deep down they need to end the relationship and are too afraid to. Of course, it’s better to take a break that ends in a breakup than to not take a break at all.
A break might give you or your partner anxiety or stress.
Relationships are hard. That’s why breaks exist—to untangle the complicated emotions involved in sharing your life and heart with someone else. But taking space away from your significant other can result in one or both of you suffering too much stress or separation anxiety to actually work through your issues in a meaningful way.
Space apart is stressful enough, but the uncertainty about whether or not you and your partner will reconcile can cause even more anxiety and distress.
In some cases, the separation anxiety caused by a break can leave a couple in a more codependent and unhealthy relationship than they started out in!
You and your partner can’t stop fighting.
Most couples’ “honeymoon” phases end after a year or 2 together, and
But if you and your partner are going at it all the time and, more importantly, not resolving arguments swiftly, it might be worth it to consider taking some time apart.
It’s especially important for fighting couples to consider a break if they have kids. Many folks assume fighting parents should “make it work” for their kids, but in fact, the opposite is true.
Kids don’t have a developed understanding of boundaries, making it difficult for them to understand that fights between their parents aren’t about them.
You and your partner are struggling with relationship challenges.
Tell your partner why you want a break in person.
It’s possible they already know if you’ve been fighting a lot lately or have maybe even told them you’re thinking about initiating a break. But it’s also very possible they’ll be surprised and even hurt. Be gentle when you share with them exactly why you need time apart, but be firm about why you need it.
Don’t panic when you initiate the break. Regardless of the outcome, the
is to give you both time to reflect on the relationship, and even if the end goal is a breakup, you’ll both be happier and healthier in the long run.
Remember that you’ve had some time to prepare for this discussion, and your partner likely has not, so be patient with them if they’re struggling to contain their emotions or figure out what they want to say.
Listen to your partner’s requests and fears about the break, and be open about yours.
You and your partner set up ground rules for a reason, and following them is essential to maintaining trust between you both. It might be tempting to text your partner when you miss them or to even try to meet someone when you feel lonely, but the success of the break is dependent on both you and your partner following the rules you established.
If you and your partner aren't monogamous or opened up your relationship during the break, you don't have to worry about seeing someone new, but if that relationship poses a threat to your committed relationship, it's worth it to break it off.
Depending on what you’re struggling with, you can check in with your partner and communicate to them that you’d like to revisit the ground rules you set up.
Try to follow the rules you made from the get-go, but realistically, your or your partner’s needs might shift as the break goes on. You may decide to go no-contact only to realize talking every week serves your relationship better than not speaking at all, or vice versa.
Decide whether to reconcile before meeting with your partner.
Once the designated time has come for the break to end, decide what you want to do: break up, reconcile, or even extend the break if need be. Be sure to think through what you want before meeting with your partner: you may change your mind after discussing things with your partner, but it’s important to go in with a good idea of what you want. No matter what you decide, be honest about your motivation and be firm with your partner about what you want to do.
Ask yourself how it felt to be alone. How does it feel to think you could end the relationship forever? Would you regret it, or would it be liberating?
If you want to get back together, take responsibility for your part in the relationship and visualize how you both might
to be healthier and happier.
Be brave enough to walk away if you
Mar 15, 2023 · Should You Take A Relationship Break? Here's How To Tell And Rules To Follow, According To Experts
- 2 min
Oct 18, 2023 · Being “on a break” can sometimes be healthy for a relationship. Learn how to find calm, gain clarity, and emerge stronger, whether you’re reuniting or moving on. Sometimes, in the complicated moments of romantic relationships, we might feel the urge to hit the pause button.
Jul 22, 2024 · Here, we’ll explore what it means to take a break in a relationship, as well as how to approach a break in a way that’s productive and mutually beneficial. With a better understanding of what a break is and how to find the clarity you’re looking for in one, you’ll be prepared to take a brief intermission as a couple before moving ...
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Sep 10, 2024 · Here's What It Means to Take a Break in a Relationship. Taking a break means that you and your partner have decided to temporarily spend some time apart from one...
