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- “Right person, wrong time” refers to a strong romantic connection with someone that may have to be put on hold due to distance, stress, or other life changes. If one or both of you feels like your life is too unstable right now or isn’t willing to compromise your goals, you may have found the right person at the wrong time.
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Jan 11, 2022 · You know you're with the right person at the wrong time if it feels like there's too many obstacles in the relationship or unequal effort being put in. When you're faced with the possibility of love, you want to believe that you will surrender completely to the experience—but sometimes life happens.
- Overview
- Why Someone Might Be the Right Person at the Wrong Time
- Emotional Effects of an Ill-Timed Connection
- What It Feels Like
- How to Cope When It’s the Right Person at the Wrong Time
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Meeting the right person at the wrong time is a really rough situation to find yourself in.
Even though it seems like this person checks all the boxes, it feels like the entire universe is conspiring to keep you apart. And while you might keep trying to make the relationship work, circumstances seem determined to prevent you from being together. In some other reality, the two of you might've gone on to have a long and happy love story. But instead, you're forced to let this person go before your connection has a chance to be fully realized.
This experience can be a source of intense frustration and heartbreak and the task of processing it and moving forward is not an easy one. When external or internal forces are destined to keep you apart, how do you deal?
The truth is, that the factors and circumstances that prevent the relationship from moving forward vary from person to person. In some cases we might even try to make a less-than-perfect relationship work...and it's important to discern whether this is a good idea or not.
So, unfortunately, there is no universal advice that will make this sucky situation feel better right away. The best you can do is give yourself the space to navigate your feelings and figure out the best course of action for you.
All the ingredients for an awesome relationship are there. They’re kind, have a great sense of humor, share your values, and share many of the same interests.
You seem compatible in almost every way, and they are everything you’ve been looking for—except for that one thing keeping you apart: the timing. Maybe they live on the other side of the country. Or perhaps you’ve just exited a serious long-term relationship and aren’t ready to date yet.
"For people who feel they've met the right person at the wrong time, I think it's important to be able to identify what is drawing them to the person," says licensed professional counselor Bonnie Scott, LPC.
For example, she suggests asking yourself what makes them seem like the right person and which qualities you are drawn to. It also helps to consider the factors that might be standing in your way.
Meeting the right person at the wrong time can affect your life in various ways. You might experience:
•Regret: It can be hard to look back and wonder what might have happened if you met that person at a different time or under different circumstances. You may find yourself ruminating over what might have been, which can create distress and unhappiness. The "right person, wrong time" can seem particularly painful because you’re so likely to imagine outcomes that might have happened if only the timing hadn't been against you.
•Stress: The poor timing of a desired relationship can create feelings of anxiety and stress. You might feel conflicted about what you should do and may find yourself doubting your choices. This sense of uncertainty about whether you should press pause or try to pursue the relationship can take a toll on your well-being.
•Worse relationship satisfaction: You might compare your current relationship to your vision of that past relationship. Such feelings can lead to self-blame and cause you to feel less satisfied with your current relationship.
•Resentment: Feeling like you might have missed out on the love of your life can lead to feelings of resentment and anger. You might look at situations, people, or even yourself with bitterness.
•Inability to let go: Clinging to the hope that you might eventually be able to return to the relationship or find a way to make it work can make it difficult or impossible to move on. This can make it harder to grow and learn from the experience and hold you back from experiences and other fulfilling, healthy relationships.
It's normal to feel different emotions when you meet the right person at the wrong time. You might feel excited about meeting someone you really share a connection with, but also a sense of longing and frustration that you cannot be together.
Even after your window of opportunity has passed, you might find yourself holding on to hope that you'll be able to one day work through the timing problems holding you back. You might think that eventually, you'll meet again and be able to make it work.
Or you might find yourself questioning what might have happened if you’d done things differently. These feelings can linger for long after the potential for a relationship has passed.
Wondering what might have been is one common response. Aura De Los Santos, an educational psychologist, explains that she turned down one potential partner in her 20s because she didn't feel ready. Years later, she looked back and wondered what might have happened if she had decided to pursue that ill-timed relationship.
And while the common "What if?" question still lingers, De Los Santos suggests she did what was right for her.
"I thought about what my life would have been like if I had given that person a chance, but at the same time, I have no regrets," she says. "I have always thought that there are stages you have to live through in life before settling down and formalizing with someone."
Kaamna Bhojwani, MA
If you enter a relationship that is not right at that time in your life, it will likely not be right at all. — Kaamna Bhojwani, MA Meeting your dream partner only to be held back by personal or situational variables can be confusing. Your feelings might range from hopeful to heartbroken. While the emotions you feel can be complex and challenging, there are strategies that can help you figure out what steps to take–whether that means pursuing a relationship despite the challenges or deciding to move forward without exploring the connection further.
Figure Out Your Priorities
The first thing you should do is take some time to yourself to evaluate your priorities, says therapist Daniel Rinaldi, MHC. "I recommend journaling about this and taking time to reflect on what you're looking for in a relationship and from the other person and what priorities are taking precedence in your life," Rinaldi says. This means looking at the trajectory you imagine for your life. Once you have a clearer picture of what you want, talk to the other person about their goals and consider whether you might be on the same page in the long-term.
Talk About It
"If you find yourself in a ‘right person, wrong time’ situation, one of the most important things you can do is talk openly and honestly about it,” Rinaldi says. To move forward with a decision that is right for you, it is essential to talk to the other person about why it might not be the right time to pursue a relationship.
- Your future goals do not align. So you think that you have found the perfect person to spend the rest of your life with, and then you come to realize that both of your long-term goals don’t align.
- One of you might have just come out of a long-term relationship. This point can be from either side. If you have just come out of a long-term relationship, it can feel awful to know that you have just met someone that is perfect for you, but you can’t be with them, because you need to mourn the loss of your relationship and previous partner.
- You or this person is going to be leaving town soon. Once again, this can happen to either of you. It can be heartbreaking if you know that you and this person really click but they will be leaving town soon.
- There is a big work commitment right now for one of you. It doesn’t really matter what the job is, if someone is more committed to their career than their relationships, then it will never work.
Aug 13, 2023 · Think you've met the right person, just at the wrong time? Relationship experts explain 9 common signs of this dating scenario, plus share tips on what to do.
- Associate Health And Wellness Editor
- 2 min
- They are not single. You have a spark with someone but discover they are already taken. Perhaps the other person feels it too, and the attraction is mutual.
- They are newly single (or you are) Meeting someone you connect with only to discover that they have just left a long-term relationship can be frustrating.
- Your goals are not aligned. When you meet the right person at the wrong time, you may find that your long-term goals are too different. Perhaps you want a big family, and they want to travel the world, staying in hostels and partying all night long.
- You are very different people. You love green, and they prefer red. You enjoy your big family, and they like to keep to themselves. If you go up and they go down, you may find yourself in the right person, wrong time situation.
Nov 1, 2023 · What Does Right Person, Wrong Time Mean? Can You Meet the Love of Your Life at the Wrong Time? 13 Signs You're in a Right Person Wrong Time Relationship. 1. Your long-term goals clash. 2. One of you is leaving town soon. 3. One of you is “the rebound.” 4. One of you is more committed to their career than to this relationship. 5.
Mar 9, 2024 · Here are three signs you’ve met the right person at the wrong time and how to make it work despite the challenges. 1. You’re Miles Apart. Distance can be a significant barrier to a ...
