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- Loving someone isn't as simple as constant joy or unending passion. It's about connection, empathy, and a desire to see the other person grow—even if that means making sacrifices along the way. True love goes deeper than physical attraction or shared interests.
www.enotalone.com/article/relationships/how-to-know-if-you-truly-love-someone-9-clear-signs-r15762/
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- Overview
- How we love
- How do you know when you’re in love?
- How can you recognize platonic love?
- How can you recognize romantic love?
- Romantic love vs. platonic love
- How do you know which one you want, if anything at all?
- What now?
- The bottom line
Attraction and affection don’t stay the same, and love can feel different for each person. That said, you’ll need to make an effort to sustain love in your relationship over time.
Ask anyone if love is complicated, and there’s a good chance they’ll probably say, “yes,” or “sometimes” at the very least.
Part of love’s complications stem from the fact that it can be challenging when the person you love doesn’t feel the same way — or when they do, but your relationship fails to take off.
Love can also complicate life because it takes different forms, and you might not immediately recognize which type of love you’re feeling.
Deciphering your feelings and identifying exactly which type of love you feel — while tight in its grip — might not be the easiest task, but we’re here to help.
Keep reading to learn more about how to tell these related, but still uniquely different, experiences apart.
Love doesn’t always look the same.
Sometimes, it progresses through specific stages.
The first flicker of love, when you fall head over heels for someone, often seems more like infatuation, complete with plenty of excitement and nervousness.
And if it’s mutual? The euphoric bliss many people experience can keep you and your partner completely wrapped up in each other. Over time, that just-fell-in-love feeling often transforms into something less charged, but more stable and lasting.
Higher-than-usual levels of hormones, like dopamine and norepinephrine, drive the intensity of these early feelings. Eventually, these surging feelings often settle into a deeper affection with the help of oxytocin, a hormone that plays a role in attachment.
But feelings of love don’t always follow a linear path.
People often talk about love as if everyone experiences it in the same way, but life experiences and relationship history can alter the course of “typical” romantic attraction.
If you’ve experienced relationship abuse or betrayal, you might feel cautious about letting your guard down again. This could temper the feelings of euphoria and impulsivity that often accompany the first stages of love.
Platonic love involves deep affection, but no romantic or sexual attraction. It’s absolutely possible for people of any gender to maintain a friendship without sexual tension or attraction.
When you love someone platonically, you might notice some basic signs of love.
You might also:
•have similar interests, values, and goals
•discuss emotions and relationships you have with others
•support each other through difficulties
Loving someone romantically usually involves a desire for a many-faceted connection.
You value their personality and want their friendship. You might lust after them a little (though you can experience romantic love without ever desiring a physical relationship).
Maybe you find their looks appealing, but you mostly want to spend a lot of time with them because you value them as a whole person and want to develop a lasting emotional connection.
Try these tips to cultivate and maintain romantic love:
•Practice open communication. Relationships require open honesty to thrive. Sharing feelings, setting healthy boundaries, and discussing relationship goals early on increase your chances of a lasting relationship.
•Avoid getting swept away by lust. In the early days of love, you might dedicate a lot of time to thinking (and talking) about what you’ve already done between the sheets (or anywhere else) and fantasizing about future encounters. This is absolutely normal. Just make sure you’re working toward an emotional connection, too.
Romantic and platonic love are two different things, but many people consider them equally valuable.
Humans need connections to survive, generally speaking. Some people go through life without ever experiencing romantic or sexual attraction, and that’s OK. You can absolutely get the love you need from relationships with family and friends.
Others thrive with both friends and romantic partners in their lives. Perhaps you can’t imagine life without romance and pursue relationships in the hopes of finding the right partner or partners.
Your friends, however, remain part of your life even as partners come and go (often supporting you through breakups).
In short, platonic love might not fulfill the same needs as romantic love for everyone, but it’s equally valuable and equally worth pursuing.
Friendship isn’t a silver medal or a consolation prize. In fact, some types of platonic love may prove more stable and secure than romantic love.
If you’re experiencing confusing new feelings, you might have some uncertainty about how to handle them.
Falling for a friend, for example, can feel pretty terrifying. You think you could have a fantastic romance, but what if you end up losing the friendship instead?
Even when you love someone you know less well, you might wonder what your feelings mean. Do you truly want to develop a relationship? Simply get closer? Or are your feelings just lust-driven?
Asking yourself the following questions can yield some insight:
•Which types of connections do I find most appealing? Emotional, physical, or a combination of both, for example.
•Can I see myself sharing my life with this person?
Talk about it
You can’t pursue any type of relationship until they know how you feel. If you’re already friends, think back to how your friendship developed. You probably bonded over shared interests and one (or both) of you expressed the desire to spend more time together. Romantic relationships often develop similarly. Preparing to share your feelings often involves some preparation for potential rejection. If you don’t feel comfortable telling them in person, try a letter, but avoid email or text. Once you feel ready, ask if they can set aside some time to talk instead of suddenly dropping it into casual conversation. Choose a time when the two of you have some privacy. Don’t forget to offer them space to sort through their own feelings, especially if you already have a platonic relationship. It may take time for them to evaluate and come to terms with their own feelings.
Consider other factors
Before you confess your love, take a careful look at the situation. You can’t help who you fall for, but you can help how you choose to handle your feelings: •Do they already have a partner? If so, you may want to hold off on sharing your love. •Are they a good friend’s ex? Proceed with caution — particularly if the breakup hurt your friend or the relationship ended badly. •Has your friendship given you insight into bad behaviors? Maybe they lie to partners, ghost dates, or see multiple partners without openly discussing non-monogamy. People can change, yes, and it’s tempting to believe your friendship and love will inspire that change. Just be sure to consider potential outcomes for your friendship if this doesn’t happen the way you envision.
Let it lie
Perhaps you decide you’d rather cherish your friendship than take a chance on anything more. That’s entirely your choice. Remember: platonic love offers many of the same benefits as romantic love, and one isn’t necessarily better than the other. Just allow yourself the time and space to fully address your feelings and come to terms with them. Accepting them completely can make it easier to let them go. Try spending a little less time with that person for now, or avoid hanging out one-on-one. If you feel lonely or in need of physical intimacy, dating others may offer a way to create new connections and ease feelings of longing.
Attraction and affection can change and grow over time, and people feel and show love in many ways.
Any type of emotional commitment can fulfill the human need for connection, provided you make the effort to sustain it.
- You feel deeply connected. One of the things I’ve researched extensively in my work as a coach is emotional attraction and the key triggers for men and women becoming deeply connected.
- It feels emotionally charged. What does it mean when you love someone? Editor’s note: Ready to attract love with a proven strategy? Watch this free video to learn the 7 powerful steps.
- You feel secure. In the early stages of falling in love, you’re always dressing to impress and on your absolute best behavior. It’s not that you’re putting on an act; it’s more that you want to look and feel your best around this person while keeping any potential flaws or turn-offs on the down-low.
- You want to build a future together. You know it’s the real deal when you see each other in your future and are committed to building a life together.
Sep 7, 2023 · Relationships. True Signs of True Love. How to distinguish genuine feelings from infatuation. Posted September 7, 2023 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch. Key points. Infatuation often leads to...
- Listen. How can you love someone if you don't even know them? Offer your lover the gift of being an attentive, open listener. Carolina Pataky, Ph.D., LMFT, CST, marriage therapist and co-founder of the Love Discovery Institute, tells mbg that it's important to stay present during your conversations with your significant other.
- Use your words. Annie Hsueh, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in couples therapy, tells mbg that one way to express love is surprisingly simple: Just tell them.
- Say thank you. Research has demonstrated so many mental and physical benefits of gratitude, and that extends to romantic relationships too. Take the time to thank the person you love, even for "little" things, such as taking out the trash and doing the dishes.
- Express interest. Expressing interest in someone's life is a timeless way to show your love, and it's a vital form of connection. This is one of the key findings of researchers John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman, whose work at The Gottman Institute has pioneered popular frameworks for marriage therapy.
Jul 22, 2024 · As a starting off point, it might help to think of love (whether it be romantic or platonic) as “an ongoing inter-relationship between people marked by an abiding mutual appreciation and...
Feb 10, 2023 · Loving someone instead of feeling “in love” with them simply illustrates how feelings of love evolve over the course of a relationship, especially a long-term relationship. What it’s like to...
