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- "Momma's boy" is a term sometimes used to describe a man who lacks self-reliance and is overly dependent on his mother. While it has traditionally been used as an insult, shifting attitudes have led to changes in how the term is used today.
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Sep 11, 2023 · Dominic Fike's "Mama's Boy" Edit Trend refers to an animation meme and TikTok trend of fan edits set to the song "Mama's Boy" by Dominic Fike, centering on the part of the song where it spells out "mama boy" ("m-a-m-a b-o-y").
- Overview
- What Is a Mama's Boy?
- Signs
- Effects
- How to Handle Boundary Issues
- A Word From Verywell
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Being married to a mama's boy isn't always a bad thing. A man who is close to his mother is not a mama's boy in a negative way. In fact, research has shown that boys and men who have strong relationships with their mothers are mentally healthier, more empathetic, and have better relationships with women.
A man who seems to be unhealthily attached to his mother, however, might be more of a problem. This is particularly if he can't seem to function without her.
Boundary problems, dependence, and enmeshment can be harmful to a relationship or marriage. It is important to be able to distinguish between normal and unhealthy attachments and learn how to establish healthy boundaries.
The term "mama's boy" is often used as slang to describe a man who has an unhealthy dependence on his mother well into adulthood when he is expected to be independent and self-reliant.
The term was first used in the early 1900s and its popular use is rooted in the work of theorists and child development researchers such as Sigmund Freud and Benjamin Spock.
In the past, psychologists and child experts often believed that maternal warmth and coldness were often connected to psychological issues in children, particularly in boys. Today, experts recognize that healthy attachment is essential for the mental well-being of boys and men.
While for previous generations, the term mama's boy was used as an insult (often used as a synonym for "weak"), today, generational attitudes about the term have shifted.
In order to recognize the signs that someone might be a mama's boy, it's important to first be able to recognize some of the signs of unhealthy boundaries.
Some signs of poor boundaries include having to check with the other person before making decisions, having unrealistic or disruptive demands for time, and being financially dependent on the other person.
Such behaviors are often a sign of enmeshment. When enmeshment persists into adulthood, men may continue to rely on their mother to meet their practical, financial, emotional, and social needs. Examples might include having his mom balance his checkbook, clean his house, and provide money.
Researchers suggest that these interparental boundaries are important not only for the relationships between kids and their parents, they also establish the tone that helps determine the quality of other family relationships as well.
Being a mama's boy may have some potentially negative psychological effects. For example, research has found that boys who fail to form secure, nurturing relationships with their mothers are more likely to be aggressive as children and emotionally distant as adults.
Healthy relationships between mothers and sons are important. Boys with good relationships with their moms are more likely to feel secure, confident, and emotionally stronger. Research has also shown that boys who have difficult relationships with their moms are at a greater risk of delinquency during adolescence.
However, while healthy connections are important, boundary problems and dependence can create problems in your relationships or marriage.
Some of these negative effects can include him being overly dependent on his mom and ignoring your needs and wishes. This can ultimately lead to feelings of resentment and difficulties with communication.
Establish Clear Boundaries
Your man might be used to his mother catering to his every need and want, but that does not mean that you need to as well. It is important that you set boundaries and let him know that you will not behave like his mother. He can act like a boy with his mother all he wants, but when he is with you, he should act like an independent adult who can take care of himself. He may use manipulation to get his way, so you need to be strong when he accuses you of not loving him and wanting what is best for him. Studies have shown that managing boundaries in marriage is important for a successful relationship, especially in couples where both partners are wage-earners. He probably does not mean the things he says, but will say them to get what he wants. If you give in, he will continue to use manipulation to get his way.
Maintain Independent Space
If he's a mama's boy, it is not a good idea to move into her house. Chances are, their relationship as mother and son will come before your relationship with him. He will most likely side with his mother on every subject as to not upset her. He may even go to his mother when the two of you have a disagreement. While he can do these things even if you live outside of her home, the distance will help some. You do not want to feel like the third wheel when living with your spouse. If you are in financial straits and his parents have offered to help you by letting you move in, make sure there is an end date in mind. If you are doing it to save for your own home, realize that you are risking damaging your marriage. Keep in mind, however, that living apart from your in-laws does not guarantee a stress-free relationship with them. Many couples still report feeling pressure.
Avoid Confrontation
It's not your place to go to your mother-in-law and ask her to back off. If you want to talk to anyone about the situation, it's your husband you need to talk to. Do not come from a place of anger, though. When you approach the topic, be sensitive and tell him that you feel a little jealous and would like more alone time with him. Remind him that you like his mother and don't mind going to her house for dinner once a month, but she should not be coming on all of your activities and dates just because she is lonely or has poor boundaries. Explain that you do not want her out of your lives, but you both need time to connect and grow as a couple.
If your spouse is too attached to his mother, it’s important to look at how this is damaging your marriage. You probably ignored red flags about this when dating, so if you are now seeing it in your marriage, you need to address it sooner rather than later. If trying to communicate and resolve problems around this does not move things in the right direction, professional help is probably in order.
Professional relationship counseling can help couples address boundary issues. In addition to traditional face-to-face couples counseling, online therapy is also an option that can be both convenient, accessible, and effective.
7 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
1.Cloud H, Townsend JS. Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. Updated and expanded [edition]. Zondervan; 2017.
2.Searight HR. Family Of Origin Therapy And Cultural Diversity. Taylor & Francis; 2014. doi:9781317763376
May 23, 2004 · A man becomes a momma's boy either by being coddled since childhood or his insecurity hasn't allowed him to mature and indivituate from her emotionally. Being a momma's boy is probably the #1 thing that can ruin a man's relationship with the woman in his life.
A "momma's boy" is a grown ass man who is constantly putting his mother before his wife, even in the event of an argument between his mother and his wife. He will defend his mother to his wife, but never his wife to his mother because his mother controls what he thinks and how he lives his life.
One such idiom is “mama’s boy”. This phrase is often used to describe a man or young adult who is overly attached to his mother and relies heavily on her for emotional support and decision-making. Contents. The Origins of “Mama’s Boy”. Cultural Significance. Origins and Historical Context of the Idiom “mama’s boy”.
Mother's boy, also commonly and informally mummy's boy, mommy's boy or mama's boy, is a derogatory term for a man seen as having an unhealthy dependence on his mother at an age at which he is expected to be self-reliant (e.g. live on his own, earn his own money, be married).
A sissy, especially a boy or man excessively attached to his mother. For example, The children called Tom a mama's boy because he ran home with every little problem . This sexist expression has survived despite its pejorative tone. [ Colloquial ; mid-1800s]
