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May 14, 2024 · From relatable jokes from famous folks to marriage comedy dialogue from your favorite rom-coms, these funny wedding and marriage quotes are ideal for an anniversary card, wedding toasts (think: cheeky best man and bridesmaid toasts), party decor or simply texting your partner after a long day.
- Jamie Cuccinelli
- “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” Emma Bombeck.
- “My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce. Murder, yes, but divorce, never.”
- “Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.” Anonymous.
- “I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” Rita Rudner.
- “One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here.
- "Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun." — Stephanie Ortiz.
- “Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” — H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
- “I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner.
Jun 20, 2024 · From rib-tickling jabs at husbands to witty musings on the complexities of love and money, we’ve got the best funny quotes about marriage right here. Get ready to nod your head and share a knowing smile.
- “A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.” — Milton Berle.
- “Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.” — Joyce Brothers.
- “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” — Ann Bancroft.
- “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell.
Apr 4, 2023 · The ultimate list of funny marriage quotes. 1. “To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; Whenever you’re right, shut up.” -Ogden Nash. 2. “The first time you marry for love, the second for money, and the third for companionship.” -Jackie Kennedy. 3. “Marriage is neither heaven ...
Jul 2, 2024 · These wise words and funny marriage quotes from some of the greatest wits of all time capture what it's like to tie the knot.
