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Marriage can be a blessing, but it can also break your heart—especially if you think you've reached the end of the road. There's no easy path to the decision to divorce, and the journey through uncoupling is different for everyone. If you're contemplating this difficult decision, you need to determine if your relationship is so troubled that your marriage cannot be saved.
Only you know whether you can or should repair your relationship. But there are signs that can help you decide when it's time to divorce. And there are also signs that, with relationship counseling and hard work, your marriage can be saved.
Annulment vs. Divorce: What Are the Differences?
If you and your partner are considering divorce, there are questions you might ask yourself and factors to consider before coming to a decision. Ending a marriage can be incredibly complex and challenging. Admitting you may not love your partner anymore can be difficult.
And even if you still love each other, that may not be enough to save a marriage. This can make divorce that much more difficult. Counseling, either together or separately (or both), can help you with the decision-making process.
Research published in 2020 revealed the most frequently given reasons for divorce from a sample of more than 2,000 people. They were:
•Lack of love/intimacy
•Communication issues
•Lack of sympathy/respect/trust
There are some marriage concerns, like abuse, that should be absolute deal-breakers. However, there are many more signs that are not so clear. Each of these issues should still be taken seriously.
Keep in mind that deciding whether or not to separate is a very complex and personal issue. Not all of the following signs alone indicate that your relationship can't recover.
Divorce is hard, but for many, it's harder and more painful to live disconnected and disengaged emotionally from your partner. Indeed, the toll negative relationships take on physical and mental health can be huge.
Some research suggests that chronically negative or abusive relationships can even shorten your lifespan.
You Love Each Other
A strong emotional connection may not be enough to sustain a troubled marriage. But it may be the push you need to seek help and begin reconnecting.
You Share Values
If you and your partner have similar beliefs and philosophies on big-picture topics (such as parenting, religion or ethics, and finances), you may realize that where it matters, you are united. Smaller disagreements may have clouded the picture, but you have a strong foundation from which to rebuild.
You're Both Ready to Do the Work
When you and your partner are both committed to your relationship, and willing to take the necessary steps to strengthen it, that's a sign that you can overcome your present difficulties. This means acknowledging that both of you have played a role in the current state of your marriage, and both of you have a role in making changes.
Being unhappy in your marriage causes stress and pain. Whether you stay together or split up, having support and guidance is important. Relationship counseling can help you resolve conflicts and make decisions, and individual therapy can be valuable too.
To find a counselor, ask for a referral from your physician, your workplace employee assistance program, or a friend. If you belong to a religious congregation, you may be able to access resources there. You can also consider online marriage counseling.
It's a difficult and heavy choice to end your marriage, but if you're fighting a losing battle or are feeling trapped and powerless in a relationship that is ultimately causing you harm, don't wait for a single sign to tell you to stay or to leave.
When it's time to leave a bad relationship, chances are you'll know—you'll feel it in your gut. If you're still wavering, ask yourself what's still good about your marriage and what isn't, and most importantly, whether the good outweighs the bad.
- Sheri Stritof
Dec 25, 1990 · Sydney Cope. 1920-1990 Vol IX Pg 100 Browse Indexes Return to Results. Sydney Cope. 1920-1990 Vol IX Pg 100 b.7 November 1920 d.25 December 1990 ...
Sep 25, 2018 · By 2010, it was 10 out of 1,000. But the divorce rate for those over 50 is still less than half the rate for those under 50: Just about one in four divorces in 2010 involved couples over 50. 2 ...
Aug 2, 2021 · Marital disruption is a common life event with potential health implications. We examined the prospective association of divorce/widowhood with subsequent lifestyles, psychological, and overall ...
- Ding Ding, Joanne Gale, Adrian Bauman, Philayrath Phongsavan, Binh Nguyen
- 2021
In the remainder of this review, I break down the epidemiological association between divorce and death by discussing research relevant to the question of who is at the greatest risk for poor health when marriage comes to an end and why. 1 In doing so, this article provides a selective review of the literature on the health consequences of separation and divorce, especially the topics of ...
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Dec 1, 2012 · The study of marital separation and divorce provides an ideal vantage point for understanding the association between psychological stress and health. 1 First, divorce is a major interpersonal stressor that has the potential to increase risk for a range of negative health outcomes, including increased risk for early death (Amato, 2010; Sbarra ...
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