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- “Opposites attract” is a common expression and a trope in popular culture. An abundance of research suggests that we are drawn to people who are similar to us. In the long term, similarities make for the most satisfying and lasting romantic relationships.
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Jul 30, 2019 · Do Opposites Really Attract? In relationships, similarities are better predictors of happiness. Posted July 30, 2019|Reviewed by Abigail Fagan. It is an incontrovertible fact that opposites...
- Do Opposites Attract?... It Depends on How ... - Psychology Today
We’ve all heard how “opposites attract." But we're also told...
- Do Opposites Attract?... It Depends on How ... - Psychology Today
Feb 2, 2015 · We’ve all heard how “opposites attract." But we're also told that “birds of a feather flock together." The fact that both of these adages have been passed down for so long suggests that the role...
Jan 19, 2024 · It’s commonly believed that opposites attract. That is, that people are attracted to those who are very different from themselves with regard to qualities, experiences, and personality traits.
Mar 26, 2023 · Some stats, however, show that opposites can indeed attract and make things work—with a caveat. A 2020 study 4 published in Developmental Psychology found that sharing intimate thoughts and feeling appreciated by a partner in a relationship are as important as having autonomy and separate interests. So even if you're total opposites, the ...
- Overview
- Why Do We Believe That Opposites Attract?
- Why Do Opposite Attract in Relationships?
- What About Couples With Mismatched Sex Drives?
- Pros and Cons of Dating Your Opposite
- Similarities Foster Stronger Relationships
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Why do opposites attract? It's a question you might ask yourself if you've ever found yourself drawn to someone completely different than you.
The reality is that while sometimes we are attracted to people who are significantly different from us, solid relationships tend to be built on shared connections and similarities.
This article discusses why people who are wildly different from one another find themselves attracted to each other, the pros and cons of dating your opposite, and what really makes a relationship last past that initial phase of attraction.
At a Glance
The idea that we are drawn to our opposites is mostly a myth. Sure, it does happen, but most people are attracted to people they share things in common with—and research suggests that similarity is what makes for a satisfying, lasting relationship. Opposities do sometimes attract, especially when in comes to initial sexual chemistry. You can learn from dating someone different from you, but there's also a lot more potential for conflict.
We’ve heard it again and again. But is there real psychology behind the popular phrase "opposites attract" in relationships?
The myth that opposites attract suggest that, much like magnets, we are attracted to our polar opposites.
In old romantic movies that we viewed, we might have seen the good girl attracted to the bad boy. Or we may have a friend, a shy, retiring sort, who is attracted to an outgoing and friendly person. It seems to make sense that they’d be a good match.
For example, if a college student studies day and night in his room and is academically driven, we might set that person up with a more social student who goes out on weekends and gets less than stellar grades. The rationale is clear.
We reason that the student getting good grades will be a positive influence on the other’s study habits and the social butterfly will draw the other student out of their room for more fun times.
As a result, we erroneously conclude that complementary personalities make for better, stronger, healthier relationships. Scientific evidence has proven, however, that this is not true.
Excitement
Opposites may attract at first because the other person seems new and exciting. Maybe the object of your attention is a medal-winning professional snowboarder and you are an accountant. Or perhaps that person who entered the conference room represents something forbidden. He might come from another class, race, or socio-economic background that is different than the kind of partner your family expects you to be with, for example.
Sexual Chemistry
Upon first meeting, the physical chemistry might be off the charts. This might be evidence of lust. Strong sexual desire in and of itself can be healthy. It can also keep the flames of passion stoked in a long-term relationship. But lust without emotions, intimacy, and commonalities does not make for a healthy long-term relationship. According to scientific studies discussed below, neither does staying with our opposites. What Is Chemistry in a Relationship?
Lack of Early Conflict
After the initial encounter and you've both decided to date, the ways you’re both diametrically opposed enhances the appeal of you two as a couple. In the beginning stages, the differences may still seem intriguing. That’s because differences haven’t proven to be obstacles in the relationship yet. If your current flame or partner is your opposite, it will make for a more difficult road ahead.
While sexual satisfaction and frequency contribute to healthy, long-term romantic relationships, partners having different or opposite sexual requirements is common. Past findings linked the mismatch to poorer sexual and relationship outcomes.
However, those who feel like they are opposites when it comes to sexual compatibility can rest assured. A new study sampling 366 couples found that higher desire rather than matching desire was most important. The idea is that couples won’t always have to be in the same mood or aligned about sex. And that’s OK.
The Pros of Dating Your Opposite
To be sure, there are benefits of being in a relationship with somebody who is your opposite. For instance, people who have type A personalities might calm down and feel less pressured by coming home to type B personalities with more laid-back traits. Other ways you may benefit for a while from being with your opposite include: Their strengths complement your weaknesses and vice versa You’ll get more comfortable with compromise You’ll teach each other new things You’ll stretch your understanding and empathy muscles You’ll keep the passion alive more easily You’ll find more balance You’ll increase your tolerance level You’ll gain more patience
The Cons of Dating Your Opposite
The drawbacks of opposites uniting date back to early research. In one older study, timid, verbally inhibited participants were paired with critical, assertive partners. The study showed that although they might have been attracted at first, the relationship quality suffered as it matured over time. The pairings became unsustainable. The study consisted of timid, inhibited males alienated by strong critical females. At the time of the study, society’s reluctance to honor assertive females may have come into play (the study was published in 2003). Further studies conducted by The Gottman Institute noted that adding criticism and contempt into the mix by any gender can prove destructive to any relationship. Nevertheless, the study revealed that opposite pairings were unsustainable. We also know the limitations of pairing opposites through other studies. For example, if another’s face is similar to your own, you’re more likely to deem that person trustworthy, according to an article published in the journal Psychological Science. That suggests that if someone looks like us, we are more likely to trust them, and if they don’t appear similar to us, we consider their character not as desirable. Recently, psychologists analyzed the combined results of over 240 studies in one. They, too, found that similar partnerships scored the highest. Similarities fell into the areas of values, attitudes, personality traits, and interests. Without similarities, it seems like partnerships fall apart. For example, suppose one person in the relationship is ambitious and has certain life goals and the other person is free-spirited and doesn’t have the same values. In that case, the relationship likely won’t work in the long run. Do You Have Type A Personality? Take This Quiz to Find Out
Michael Kosinki, assistant professor of organizational behavior at the Stanford Graduate School of Business coordinates a global collaboration between more than 100 universities studying Facebook digital footprints of 8 million people. He co-authored a study published in the journal Psychological Science.
By analyzing the digital footprints people left on Facebook—their likes and what they posted about—evidence showed birds of a feather do flock together.
Most people interact with others who are similar to them online. As humans, we tend to gravitate toward those more like us.
Partners who are opposite to you in certain aspects like in their taste in music or favorite foods can enhance a relationship for sure. And in the short term, opposites can work in relationships.
- Barbara Field
“Opposites attract,” they say. It’s a phrase we’ve all heard, and many of us have seen it play out in our own lives. But what exactly does this mean? Simply put, it’s the idea that people who are different from each other in certain ways tend to be drawn together romantically.
Mar 24, 2019 · Just about everyone thinks that opposites attract — but they don’t. Many relationship experts write that people seek partners whose traits complement their own.
