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Dec 4, 2018 · When you're seeking a partner, or even just new friends, it can be wise to know some of the potential clues that a person might be drama-prone. During certain life stages, it can be...
- Not recognizing differences between you both that are attractive in the short term but will repel in the long term. When we're dramatically different from someone, that difference is often initially very attractive.
- Overlooking warning signs because of sentiment. Have you ever wondered why people sour so dramatically on partners they once liked enough to marry? This happens because romantic relationships largely operate on overall sentiment.
- Parading your new partner to meet all your friends. A common belief is that if your friends don't like your new partner, then they're a bad choice for you.
- Not maximizing the growth possibilities. This point is different from all the other points so far. Whether a relationship ends up being long-term or not, new relationships have tremendous potential to help individuals grow.
- “You're Overreacting” Toxic partners often use this phrase to dismiss your feelings and make you question your own reality. If you confront them about something hurtful they've said or done, they'll claim you're just being too sensitive or blowing things out of proportion.
- “You Made Me Do It” Abusive partners refuse to take responsibility for their words and actions. When confronted, they'll claim you “made them” behave inappropriately, shifting blame and accountability.
- “No One Else Would Put Up With You” Insulting your value and desirability is a classic tactic used to damage confidence and breed insecurity. Toxic partners want you to feel you're lucky they care about you at all, even if the relationship is destructive.
- “It Was Just a Joke” Sometimes verbal abuse is disguised as “humor” to provide plausible deniability if you protest. When challenged, these venomous people will insist, “It was just a joke,” and accuse you of being unable to take a joke.
- Overview
- Signs of a Toxic Relationship
- Types of Toxic Relationships
- Effects of Toxic Relationships
- Coping With Toxic Relationships
- How to Leave a Toxic Relationship
A toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked. A relationship is toxic when your well-being is threatened in some way—emotionally, psychologically, and even physically.
On a basic level, any relationship that makes you feel worse rather than better can become toxic over time. Toxic relationships can exist in just about any context, from the playground to the boardroom to the bedroom. You may even deal with toxic relationships among your family members.
People with mental illnesses, such as bipolar disorder, major depression, or even depressive tendencies, may be particularly susceptible to toxic relationships since they are already sensitive to negative emotions.
For example, someone with bipolar disorder who is in the midst of a mixed or depressive episode may have a somewhat weaker grip on emotional stability than others, and that may make that person an easier target for toxic people. However, toxic people can affect anyone.
Here's what you need to know about toxic relationships, including what makes a relationship toxic and how to determine if you're in one. You'll also find tips for effective ways to manage these types of relationships, such as going to online therapy or online couples counseling.
How #CoupleGoals Affect Our Relationships
Only you can tell if the bad outweighs the good in a relationship. But if someone consistently threatens your well-being by what they're saying, doing, or not doing, it's likely a toxic relationship.
Relationships that involve physical or verbal abuse are definitely classified as toxic. But there are other, more subtle, signs of a toxic relationship, including:
•You give more than you're getting, which makes you feel devalued and depleted.
•You feel consistently disrespected or that your needs aren't being met.
•You feel a toll on your self-esteem over time.
•You feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked.
It's important to note that toxic relationships are not limited to romantic relationships. They exist in families, in the workplace, and among friend groups—and they can be extremely stressful, especially if the toxicity isn't effectively managed.
•When there are negative behaviors: Some people's constant complaining, critical remarks, and overall negativity create a toxic environment. Other toxic traits may include perfectionism, unhealthy competitiveness, and frequent lying. A person may also let their insecurities bring out the worst in them.
•When one (or both) people lack self-awareness: Sometimes people are unaware of their negative effect on others. They also may not know healthier ways to communicate. It's likely that they don't know how to read social cues well enough to know when they're frustrating people or making them feel like they are being criticized or ignored.
•When a person intentionally hurts others: Some people are deliberately rude and hurtful. In these situations, you may feel singled out and targeted through their mean words and actions. A person may also try to control or manipulate you, which is toxic behavior.
•When a partner is constantly cheating: If an intimate partner lies and cheats without even trying to change their behavior, it adds a toxic element to the relationship.
•When a person is abusive: When people repeatedly and intentionally hurt you, their behavior can be considered abusive. Whether they are constantly gossiping about you, or they are physically harming you in any way, abuse is never OK.
Toxic relationships may be causing real damage to your self-esteem and your overall mental health as well as your physical health.
Constant drama in a relationship can distract us from the other relationships in our lives, leading to a sense of social isolation—which may cause other issues like depression or worsened sleep quality.
While not every toxic relationship can be avoided, especially among co-workers or a family member, they can be managed with healthy boundaries, self-care, and awareness.
If you find yourself in a toxic relationship where you bring out the worst in one another (or simply fail to bring out the best), you may want to work on the relationship and change the dynamic—particularly if there are other benefits to the relationship.
Assertive communication and healthier boundaries are often the keys to bringing out the best in one another—especially if you're both willing to make changes.
Here are a few more steps for coping with a toxic relationship:
•Talk to the other person about what you're witnessing. Be assertive about your needs and feelings while also taking responsibility for your part in the situation.
•Discuss what you see as a problem and decide together if you want to change the dynamic to ensure that both of you get your needs met.
If you've tried setting boundaries and the other person refuses to respect them, it may be time to end the relationship. Though it can be challenging to do so, remember that the most important thing is prioritizing yourself, your needs, and your health.
How you choose to end the relationship depends on your situation and how safe you feel. You could:
•Tell the person directly that you are choosing to end the relationship and list your reasons.
•Let the relationship fade away over time, slowly communicating with this person less and less.
•Discontinue communication immediately (particularly if a relationship is threatening your safety).
If you choose to communicate to the person directly, you can take accountability for your feelings and try to avoid blaming them or getting defensive. Ultimately, you can't control how they react, but you can try to use strategies to avoid escalating the discussion.
- Elizabeth Scott, Phd
- You never turn to each other for emotional support. You look to other people first.
- Your partner actively tries to cut you off from your support network of friends and family.
- Your partner implies that you are stupid, or that they are "the smart one” in the relationship; they try to dissuade you from trying something new because “you probably won’t understand it.”
- Your partner doesn’t respect your answer when you say “no” to something.
Jul 25, 2023 · Does you find your partner and relationship utterly exhausting? Check these signs, reasons, and fixes for an emotionally draining relationship.
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Jan 11, 2017 · Here are seven common early relationship mistakes you might encounter — luckily, communication and honesty can usually help patch things so your relationship doesn't end prematurely. Mistake 1:...
