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Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships is a 1964 book by psychiatrist Eric Berne. The book was a bestseller at the time of its publication, despite drawing academic criticism for some of the psychoanalytic theories it presented. It popularized Berne's model of transactional analysis among a wide audience, and has been ...
- eric Berne
- 1964
Games People Play is the bestselling book by Psychiatrist Dr. Eric Berne which uncovered the dynamics of human relationships. In Games, Berne introduced his theory of Transactional Analysis to the population at large. Since the publication of Games People Play in 1964 to the updated 40th anniversary edition in 2004, over 5 million copies have ...
- Social/Party Games
- Existential/Life Games
- Now I Got You You Son of A Bitch
- Couples/Marital Games
- Intimacy/Sexual Games
- Counselling Games
Ain’t it awful
“Aint It Awful” (AIA) is a class of games bruising emotionally for the actor him/herself as well as for the recipient. A hard form is the ole “Kids nowadays!” which justifies in the actor’s view, their cynicism and criticism. Played intensively by a Parent this game can profoundly damage self esteem of their children. It is particularly dangerous as it makes it’s own law: Life was better/harder before so therefore what I say is the truth/better. A softer variant is that of “Broken skin” where...
Blemish
The full list of games people play would be seriously incomplete if it did not include Blemish, maybe the most common game. Another bruising game, Blemish players aim to diminish their interlocutor to acquire a sense of control and/or superiority. Hard players of this game will not be able to relax authentically in the presence of someone whose weakness or “buttons” they have not figured out yet. They can also use that exact game for another class of “outcomes”: manipulating their partners an...
Schlemiel
Schlemiel is a Yiddish word for “cunning”. In this Game, someone will initiate an offence or other negative action (Berne uses the example of a woman “accidentally” spilling a cocktail on the hostess’ dress). The game is often played in such public circumstances where the guest finds herself in a position where she then “cannot win”. Either she shows her upset and may come worse off socially, or she laughs it off publicly and is left seething inside. Most of us would laugh it off. But then Sc...
Alcoholic
Berne agrees readily that some forms of alcoholism are advanced, without hangover anymore and/or so advanced that they rely more on medical intervention than psychological. However, he also singles out a repetitive pattern, that he calls the “Alcoholic” game: Someone, often a man, will through drink enjoy a variety of unsuspected micro-transactions. To that kind of alcoholic Berne contends, drinking is pleasant but secondary to the transactions and roles that Alcoholic will play. Hangovers pr...
Debtor
Debtor is a “meta” Game in the sense that it can be played very slowly for very long periods of time. Berne cites the example of the typical US family starting out. The man (Berne worked in the 50’s…) will get a mortgage and commit to a 30 year mortgage. In this way socially acceptable way, he is playing “Debtor” willingly and happily. Berne compares him to the poor countries where a man will pay a high price to effectively buy a bride, in a way they are playing a similar game, committing the...
I’m only trying to help you
This game in its purest, most obvious form can be observed in therapyrooms, but this game is so prevalent across society that we include it here in the Life Games section. In a therapy setting it can occur when a patient goes through therapy, receives advice and helpful feedback, but keep coming back reporting worse/no improvement. The therapist (typically rookie/insufficiently qualified) simply shrugs off the feedback, and follows what she knows is accepted protocol. The patient does not imp...
This Game describes the jubilant pleasure of having someone “at your mercy” or “clearly wrong/beaten”. Berne uses two examples of different nature to illustrate: 1. A house owner hires a tradesman to redo a patio and asks for an all-inclusive quote. Tradesman agrees and sends invoice for all, for $2600. House owner agrees and signs off. Tradesman c...
Corner
This is a great illustration for how Games are manipulative at heart, and typically destroy intimacy. In this one, Partner A in a relation may say, “let’s go to that nice restaurant”, to which partner B replies “Oh that’s a great idea”. Then a bit later B comments pointily on the state of the house, a topic known to be off limits as A cannot afford the repair and this has been recently argued over. Player A takes offence to that foul play and shows frustration. Player B then says “Oh well if...
Courtroom
Courtroom is a game played three-handed: The two partners A and B in a relation and a third party (often the therapist in couples’ therapy as a classical example). The 3rd party is “judge” and in front of him/her the protagonists will make their claim, typically through plaintive and intense claims. A lists a long litany of exaggerated claims, to which B will reply in kind providing context and caveats. The game can go on and on, but at some point at least one of A or B ends up saying “Well,...
Frigid woman
This Game is essential marital, and is a form of intimacy avoidance and “weaponising” of sex in a couple. According to Berne it typically involves a man making sexual advances to his female partner, and is rejected, often to the words of “That’s men for you, all they want! I want some affection!” The male partner gets pushed away thusly over weeks or months until he get resigned. Then however Berne notes the woman playing this game will start being more and more suggestively, flirt with other...
Let’s you and him fight
This according to Berne is typically female psychology led, though it can also be male. This is a game that is very simple, often for the protagonists (the males fighting) and occasionally for the female who may feel obliged to go with someone she is not really attracted by, who may decamp on her promise to the frustration of the males, etc. 1. As a low level maneuver it is romantic: The woman maneuvers or challenges two men into competing/fighting with the implied promise that she will surre...
Perversion
The term “perversion” is one of the more dated, in a therapeutic school such as TA, one showing most clearly it’s 50’s origin but still worth consideration. In this broad family Berne includes fetishism, sadism and masochisms as well as many variants. To him they all tie back to a confused child, and usually aim for social control and/or humiliation. It is a game often hinging on self-sustained claims such as “I am so sexed what do you expect” as a sub-game of “Wooden leg”. The remedy to Bern...
Rapo
Berne went to great lengths to make TA as accessible to the layman as possible, including in the naming of his Games. “Rapo” is a pretty vivid and surprising name, but it is also chosen as it resonates in Berne’s view with the nature of this Game itself. “Rapo” is a Game among the more intense, invested, potentially vulgar or dishonest and even dangerous. The essential premise is that of a woman who seduces a man (typically) without honest intent at relation or intercourse. This Game is dange...
The full list of games people play has grown to include multiple games, observed typically during therapy. The act of going to a therapy (individual or maybe more so, group therapy) implies its own set of occasional roles, for clients as well as in some cases, therapists. Good counsellors are aware of these and manage them openly. Settings such as ...
May 2, 2023 · Deluxe printable: Download this summary to read offline. The Book In Three Or More Sentences: Games People Play exposes the secret ploys and unconscious maneuvers (labeled as games by the author) of our psyche and why they are essential for our psychological well-being. The first part of the book introduces the hidden social transactions that ...
Published in 1964, this was one of the first books to examine what happens during daily social interactions. It’s like a basic handbook of Transactional Analysis (TA), and Eric Berne’s insights are still being used by psychotherapists and counselors in therapy and clinical practice today. In this free Games People Play summary, we’ll ...
Games People play: the psychology of human relationships, 1966, Eric Berne, Esmail Fassih (translator) Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships is a bestselling 1964 book by psychiatrist Eric Berne. In the first half of the book, Berne introduces transactional analysis as a way of interpreting social interactions.
Eric Berne's classic Games People Play is the most accessible and insightful book ever written about the games we play: those patterns of behaviour that reveal hidden feelings and emotions. Wise and witty, it shows the underlying motivations behind our relationships and explores the roles that we try to play - and are forced to play.
- Eric Berne
