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- "I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room. I don't know who got my moped but I've been driving that Peugeot for years." "People think I hate sex. I don't. I just don't like things that stop you seeing the television properly."
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Apr 18, 2018 · To mark two years since her sad passing, we've compiled some of the funniest gags from her numerous appearances, the popular sitcoms she wrote, and a few of her rather bawdy songs. Here are 30 ...
- Her Funniest One-Liners
- From ‘The Ballad of Barry and Freda’
- From ‘Pam’
- From Acorn Antiques
- From Dinnerladies
“People think I hate sex. I don’t. I just don’t like things that stop you seeing the television properly.” “I thought Coq au Vin was love in a lorry.” “A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down, and a woman is designed to say, ‘you took your time’ when he comes back dripping wet.” “The Italians hav...
“I’m on fire/With desire/I could handle half the tenors in a male voice choir!” “Stop pouting/Stop shouting/You know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting/I can’t do it/I can’t do it tonight.” “Not bleakly/Not meekly/Beat me on the bottom with a Woman’s Weekly/Let’s do it/Let’s do it tonight!”
“Our wedding night, I heard a cough / There was Harold in the doorway with his ‘jamas off / Now look, I said, I must be blunt/I couldn’t give a beggar’s on the whole sex front / Not me, not my scene. I prefer a game of Rummy and an Ovaltine / Harold, dear, do get dressed / I’ve seen one in a book and I was not impressed!”
“Sometimes I think that being widowed is God’s way of telling you to come off the pill.” “Mrs Overall can’t have gotten far. That’s one of the blessings of osteoporosis.” “It was wartime. There was a rubber shortage. We tried painting condoms on with gravy browning, but they wasn’t 100% effective.” “I’m used to the high life. These tights cost £9.”...
“Men and women have different brains. It was in the Daily Mail. Women can’t fold maps, and men can’t get interested in headboards.” “I was going to go on Mastermind, but I can’t sit on leather.” “Why do people have to spit? That ruined Titanic for me, the spitting. The iceberg couldn’t come fast enough after I saw that…” “I’ve got no sex life, no f...
Apr 20, 2016 · 26 of Victoria Wood’s funniest quotes – from a Twitter account dedicated to them. Victoria Wood delivered countless witty one-liners during her career (Picture: PA) Aside from her many...
May 19, 2020 · To celebrate what would have been her 67th birthday, here are some of Victoria Wood's funniest one-liners: I thought Coq au Vin was love in a lorry. My children won’t even eat chips...
Apr 20, 2016 · Terrible news today that much loved comedian Victoria Wood has lost a “short battle with cancer” and is no longer with us. To celebrate her life and work – here’s simply 21 of of her great jokes and one-liners: If God had meant them to be lifted and separated, He would have put one on each shoulder.
- Normal Bates
Apr 20, 2016 · Here are some of her best quotes - from one-liners to her groundbreaking As Seen on TV show and sitcoms.
Apr 18, 2018 · Victoria Wood, who passed away on 20 April 2016 following a battle with cancer, was one of the greatest and most popular British TV comics of her generation.
