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- “I once spent a year in Philadelphia; I think it was on a Sunday.” C. Fields. Starting off is W.C. Fields, the legendary comedian, who delivered this wry observation, capturing the essence of his humor and wit.
- “He who can does—he, who cannot, teaches.” George Bernard Shaw. In his quote, George Bernard Shaw discusses the apparent distinctions between people with theoreticalknowledgeand those with actual talents and experience.
- “Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end.” Jerry Seinfeld. Here, Jerry Seinfeld makes a droll observation about lipstick, cosmetics, and accepting oneself.
- “Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.” George Bernard Shaw. With this clever paradoxical quote, Shaw expresses his view on the nature of dancing.
- Sarcastic Witty Quotes
- Quotes About Sarcasm
- Funny Sarcasm Quotes
- Sarcasm Quotes For Friends
- Sarcasm Quotes For Work
- Sarcasm Quotes For Families
- Clever Sarcasm Quotes
- Sarcasm Quotes For Relationships
RD.com, Getty Images 1. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” —Fred Allen 2. “If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.” —Groucho Marx 3. “History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.” —Abba Eban 4. “I cannot speak well...
RD.com, Getty Images 11. “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.” —Unknown 12. “You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It’s really funny.” —Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians 13. “Sarcasm is the last refuge of the imaginatively bankrupt.” —Cassandra Clar...
RD.com, Getty Images 29. “If you think nobody cares that you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” —Unknown 30. “Sometimes I feel so sick at the state of the world I can’t even finish my second apple pie.” —Banksy, Wall and Peace 31. “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.” —Homer Simpson 32. “When science finally loc...
RD.com, Getty Images 43. “Zombies eat brains. You are safe.” —Jon Stewart 44. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” —Oscar Wilde, The Duchess of Padua 45. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” —Steven Wright 46. “Sarcasm is such an unattractive quality in anyone but m...
RD.com, Getty Images 58. “My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” —Unknown 59. “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” —Robert Frost 60. “People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’...
RD.com, Getty Images 74. “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” —Mark Twain 75. “Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.” —Sam Levenson 76. “Happiness is having a large, loving, c...
RD.com, Getty Images 89. “I am not young enough to know everything.” —J.M. Barrie 90. “Common sense is the most widely shared commodity in the world, for every man is convinced that he is well supplied with it.” —René Descartes 91. “I’d rather be partly great than entirely useless.” —Neal Shusterman, Unwind 92. “Tact is the ability to tell someone ...
RD.com, Getty Images 98. “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” —Stephen Bishop 99. “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” —Groucho Marx 100. “When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.” —Sacha Guitry 101. “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your abse...
- “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”
- “I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”
- “Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.”
- “I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?
May 7, 2021 · Mean People Quotes. These quotes are about mean people will give you an idea of why they are mean or just how mean they can be. 1. “Try to be nice to people who aren’t nice to you. They may need it more than you think.” – by Buddhism
- Good Roasts for All the Haters. This will be the first and last roast of the night, as we've already used up your entire vocabulary. It seems like you were probably a slippery baby, right?
- Absolutely Brutal Roasts. I've been called worse things by better men. I didn't mean to push your buttons, I was just looking for mute. I forgot the world revolves around you.
- Good Roasts and Comebacks. Where is your off button? I know you don't like me, and that implies you need better taste. I'm not an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun… not you.
- Funny Roasts for Your Enemies. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo bottles. How many licks 'till I get to the interesting part of this conversation?
Jun 30, 2021 · Puns are funny examples of wordplay — words that have either multiple meanings or sound like other words. They can cause giggles or groans, and once you start looking for them, you'll find them everywhere! Keep reading for funny puns and punny jokes that are sure to make you smile.
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Mar 24, 2021 · Funny Quotes By Comedian Mitch Hedberg. Mitch Hedberg is a funny comedian with great comedic timing. Here are some of the best funny quotes from his stand-up routines. 1. "I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that." -Mitch Hedberg. 2. "My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
