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- How You Treat Each Other's Time. It’s probably happened to you: You’re supposed to meet a friend for coffee and you’re at the café when they cancel at the last-minute.
- What Needs You Share With Them. Wants and needs are a big part of many facets of life, including with friendships. For instance, you may want a friend to go with you to a concert on Friday night, but you need them to be punctual when you meet for coffee.
- How Reciprocal You Are. You know that friend who only seems to contact you when they need something? “A boundary that goes unchecked in many relationships is the non-reciprocal-benefits issue,” Kate Romero, a life coach, tells Bustle.
- How Much You Tell Them. You probably have certain friends who know almost everything about you and others who don’t, and that’s perfectly OK. “Some people have this idea that they need to tell their friends absolutely everything going on in their life,” Bennett says.
Apr 19, 2023 · Friendship is often overlooked in our romance-driven society, but having solid platonic relationships is a vital part of maintaining a happy and healthy life for most people. Platonic friendships, in particular, are one of the most important types of connections we can have.
Mar 5, 2024 · When you’re in a relationship, feelings are going to get hurt, and boundaries are going to be crossed – that’s normal (to an extent). The important thing is how you deal with these situations when they arise.
- Understand your relationship patterns. Your earliest lessons about relationships come from the things you experienced, witnessed, and were taught by members of your family.
- Check whether you need to set more boundaries. Taking inventory of your most important relationships can help you identify which ones are unhealthy and what boundaries you may need to establish with certain friends.
- Maintain your individuality and personal space. It’s important for friends to maintain their individuality and not feel like they need to always agree, be on the same page, or do everything together.
- Express your feelings, wants, and needs. Open communication is one of the most important aspects of setting and maintaining healthy boundaries with friends and can also help to prevent misunderstandings and conflicts.
Aug 31, 2024 · No matter the nature of your relationship, setting boundaries is a critical component to maintaining a healthy connection with your partner. Seeking a close partnership should not have to conflict with your needs.
- Overview
- What Are Boundaries?
- When Boundaries Are Needed
- Why Create Boundaries?
- Setting Healthy Boundaries
- How to Maintain and Enforce Boundaries
- Supporting Friendship and Its Boundaries
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Setting healthy boundaries in friendships can help you protect your identity and personal space. It can also prevent others from taking advantage of you or limiting what you want to do. Setting boundaries can enhance your mental and emotional well-being and actually strengthen your friendships.
Boundaries are guidelines for acceptable behaviors, expectations and personal limits. Boundaries make it clear to the friends in your life what you want and will accept. While certain behaviors are never acceptable like bullying and gaslighting, you can stop well-intentioned overstepping by sharing about your boundaries.
Laurel Healy, LCSW, says “Sometimes we have friends we really like, but they make assumptions about the relationship that make us uncomfortable. They may drop by unannounced or expect to be included in everything we do. Rather than becoming resentful or letting an otherwise wonderful friend go, the most respectful thing we can do is address our differences. No rights, no wrongs.”
These lines you draw up help both you and your friends. Friends may criticize what you’re wearing or make you feel bad about your goal of running a marathon. Without realizing it, they could be crossing a line.
What kind of scenarios might prompt a talk about boundaries? Here are examples:
•A good friend insists that you reserve a weekend getaway for both of you although you’re too busy to travel.
•A childhood friend is often rude to you in front of others, but you don’t want to make a fuss.
•You work friend vents obsessively and needs emotional support day and night after their recent romantic breakup .You feel guilty if you don’t make yourself available to them.
•Your best friend disrespects your values or beliefs. You’ve never spoken up about this before.
It’s often easier to dismiss boundary-crossing behavior than deal with it. But avoidance coping is maladaptive. Instead of facing the problem head-on, this form of coping can create stress and anxiety. Other common byproducts of having no boundaries include resentment and distress.
While it’s tempting to look away, you need to speak up. Allowing others to overrun your boundaries has unhealthy consequences for you. Being unwilling to share your feelings or say no also prevents the other person from knowing what you feel and expect.
Setting up a discussion about your boundaries can contribute to open communication and mutual understanding between you and your friend. Although the thought of having a talk like this might create feelings of tension or dread, a scientific study identified lower levels of stress between friends who conversed about challenges compared to strangers.
Researchers analyzed communication during collaborative problem solving amongst younger and older women. Results showed reduced levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, in the communications between friends, although the discussion was about a challenging subject.
So, how do you set these boundaries? Good boundaries are clear, concise, and consistent. If you believe this will be an awkward conversation, don’t forget to actively listen, ask questions, be genuine and even use humor to lighten the discussion.
Here are tips on how to have this important conversation that will ultimately honor both you and your friend. Remember to use “I” statements and avoid accusations or insults.
•Begin by saying how you value the friendship.
•Communicate your boundaries simply and clearly.
•Express your needs, wants and limits.
•Don’t apologize or make excuses.
After stating the boundaries, your friend should understand what you’re asking of them. Direct communication enables you and your friend to avoid misunderstandings and even better the relationship.
To help you enforce these boundaries, you can use phrases like “That is hurtful to me so I want it to stop.” Or “This is what I need,” or “I understand you’re trying to help, but I want to make my own decision.”
Setting a boundary is about having a discussion to determine how the have the best relationship possible. It’s important to be specific about what we want, to own our feelings, and to emphasize what we value about the person. Although these discussions are difficult, we give our friends a chance to change behavior they may not recognize as unwelcome.
— LAUREL HEALY, LCSW
Friendships are fundamental for our growth. They offer trust, closeness and intimacy, which are valuable for our psychological and emotional well-being.
Friendship quality greatly affects our mental development during adolescence. A systematic review was recently conducted to understand the association between friendship quality and adolescents' mental wellbeing. The review showed an association with happiness and good self-esteem and reinforced the value of healthy friendships.
To have the best quality friendship you can, discuss the importance of respecting and supporting the boundaries your friend would like to set, too. By sharing our boundaries, we foster a culture of empathy and understanding. Honoring reciprocity is a win-win for both of you.
It's Time to Spring Clean Our Relationships
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- Barbara Field
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Aug 4, 2023 · Examples of healthy boundaries in relationships. The following examples apply to romantic partnerships, but also any frequently communicative relationships where there’s responsibility...
