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May 14, 2024 · Below, we've collected pieces of funny marriage advice and funny wedding quotes that just get that. From relatable jokes from famous folks to marriage comedy dialogue from your favorite rom-coms , these funny wedding and marriage quotes are ideal for an anniversary card , wedding toasts (think: cheeky best man and bridesmaid toasts ), party decor or simply texting your partner after a long day.
- Jamie Cuccinelli
- “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” Emma Bombeck.
- “My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce. Murder, yes, but divorce, never.”
- “Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.” Anonymous.
- “I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” Rita Rudner.
- “A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.” — Milton Berle.
- “Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.” — Joyce Brothers.
- “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” — Ann Bancroft.
- “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell.
- “One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here.
- "Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun." — Stephanie Ortiz.
- “Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” — H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
- “I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner.
Aug 13, 2023 · Here’s wishing you both a very happy married life.”. 74. Do not expect that your husband will change after marriage. You will have to guide him through the process. Happy wedding!”. 75. “Congratulations! Now you're one – one bed, one remote, one bathroom! Congratulations on your union as life partners!”.
Funny Quotes About Being Married. “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.”. “I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”. “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”. “No, please, don’t eat me.
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Jul 2, 2024 · After you crack a few jokes about these funny marriage quotes, see the most romantic ideas to say “I love you” without actually saying it. 12 / 41 rd.com, Getty Images
