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Oct 26, 2017 · "Today's Man" is from the splendid NEW I, LUDICROUS ALBUM, 'Songs From The Sides of Lorries' OUT NOW on CHERRY RED Records. BUY IT HERE: https://tinyurl.com/...
- 3 min
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- I, Ludicrous
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- Overview
- The friendship formula
- Put yourself out there
- Friendship 101
- Join the party
If you show up with your guard down, others will let theirs down too.
This is Man 2.0, a call for an evolution in what it means to identify as a man. We share resources and encourage vulnerability, self-reflection, and empathy from us to our fellow man. In partnership with EVRYMAN.
I host a weekly virtual happy hour for men all around the country and the world. Remarkably, these men have already opted into an ethos of vulnerability, connection, and personal growth.
The happy hour is simply a relaxed and fun time to tell stories and get to know each other, but the participants come in with their guard down.
They share amazing stories of adventures, romance, and just plain weird sh*t. They talk about what’s difficult in life and what’s going great. They laugh. Hard.
There’s no posturing, no guarding, and no holding back. These men are just being themselves, together.
At EVRYMAN, we have an equation:
Vulnerability x Time Spent = Depth of Friendship
Here’s the straight truth. Men go through life with their guard up. Without the skills and practice in sharing one’s true vulnerable self with others, the human connection and bonds needed are incredibly hard to develop.
Men have two options to make some really good friends:
1. Keep showing up. Find a practical way to be in the same place with other people you respect and like, and make it your new hangout spot.
This will work, but it’ll most likely take a ton of time. And if time is a resource you don’t have much of (which is the truth for most men today), you might just be out of luck.
Anyone can learn how to make friends, but it comes with one very important requirement: the willingness to be uncomfortable.
The discomfort includes the willingness to be in an awkward moment, the willingness to be rejected, and the willingness to share what’s true.
But here’s the cool thing: Men have a long history of doing uncomfortable things to better their health. We do hill sprints, we sit in ice baths, we drink terrible protein shakes.
In a way, seeing how uncomfortable we can be is a pretty common male trait. It’s culturally accepted.
So here’s a simple, uncomfortable guide to making friends as a man today.
Step 1: Get in touch with your true want and need to increase friendship in your life.
Be honest with yourself. Are you lonely? Who do you go to when you’re lost or hurting? Do you have someone to call to celebrate your big wins?
Slow down and really feel what you want. Own it.
Step 2: Identify a few people in your life that you would like to be closer to.
Maybe it’s a work colleague that you talk shop with but nothing more. Maybe it’s an old friend who’s drifted away.
We’re not wired to keep our inner truth at bay from everyone else. We’re not wired to do life on our own.
If any man reading this wants a shortcut, it does exist.
Join a men’s group. You get the vulnerability training you need, and you’ll automatically make the friends you don’t currently have.
Specifically, join EVRYMAN’s online membership platform. All around the world, men are waking up to their own truth and learning to share it with others.
- Dan Doty
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