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- Time is never enough: Regardless of the duration of your relationship, losing your partner feels like an eternal loss. Whether you spent one day or several decades together, the feeling of being robbed of precious moments is universal among widows.
- I knew, but I still wasn’t ready: Even if you anticipate your spouse’s passing due to illness or other circumstances, the emotional preparation is never enough.
- Memories of the funeral: In the midst of grief, certain details of the funeral and burial become hazy, if not entirely forgotten. The intensity of emotions can create a numbing effect, protecting our minds from fully absorbing the traumatic events surrounding the loss.
- The emotions of fresh grief: The immediate aftermath of losing a spouse is filled with a huge mix of emotions. Surprisingly, my initial reaction wasn’t overwhelming sadness; it was relief.
- It sucks. I'm not going to try to make it sound better than that. I can't. It just sucks. Not only do you lose the person you love and your partner in life, but your children also lose their father.
- You become "that person" people stare at in the supermarket. For months after my husband died, I didn't want to leave my house. I felt like the whole world was watching me.
- People do and say the dumbest things around you. Some people seem to feel awkward and just don’t know how to handle the situation. That is their problem, not yours.
- Friends and family may not always understand that you don't have time. Everyone means well with phone calls, emails and texts, but it is impossible to give everyone a response in a timely manner.
- You can’t screw this up. People will judge, you’ll be looked at strangely, and the worst part is that there will be times you feel like a failure. This is when to stop and remember there is no right way to be a widow, no matter what anyone says.
- People really are trying to help. Sometimes it won’t feel like help, but they are doing the best they know how. Probably not many in your circle are widows, and even those that are will get it wrong.
- Relationships will change. Friendships you thought would last will disappear — sometimes slowly, sometimes overnight. Connections with the military community will morph.
- It is OK to be angry. Being a widow sucks and being a military widow brings a whole new layer of complication to the situation. It is normal — I’d say almost universal — to get angry at points along the way.
Jun 21, 2021 · On International Widows’ Day, 23 June, take a look at some of the issues affecting widows around the world and what must be done to safeguard and advance their rights.
- How Long Do I Wear My Wedding Ring for?
- What Do I Do with My Partners Ashes?
- How Do I Maintain A Relationship with My inlaws?
- What Side of The Bed Do I Sleep on?
- When Is It Okay to Start Dating Again?
- When Do I Go Back to Work?
- What Do I Do with Their belongings?
- How Do I Attend Social Events Without My Partner?
- How Do I Explain My Partner’S Death to Our Children?
- How to Go on Holiday Without My Partner?
Sian — “I have no intention of ever taking mine off.” Andrew — “I’m going to keep wearing mine until I start dating seriously.” Rebecca — “We weren’t married but I wear a wedding ring now as a symbol of the relationship we had. I’d rather be known as a widow than single.” Pauline — “Mine was quickly removed as I got fed up with all the questions ab...
Kirsty — “Five years on and I still haven't done anything with them. They’re on top of the kitchen cupboard. I’ll wait till we’re ready.” Lucy — “They’re scattered in special places. I’ve also kept some for the children, and used some in memorial jewellery.” Rupert — “We agreed many years ago that neither of us wanted anything momentous done with o...
Rebecca — “I’m so lucky because I’ve gained a second family out of it, and though we’ve had some issues, we’ve been able to make decisions together as the three of us.” Suzanne — “I visit infrequently because they live so far away. This suits us.” Amanda — “Delicately. Especially if my children are involved. Don’t let them make you feel guilty, eve...
Leigh — “My normal side. It’s comfy and familiar.” Suzanne — “In the middle!” Rupert — “The opposite side to what I used to.” Susan — “I still sleep on my side of the bed, but sometimes I turn my hubby’s pillow around so it feels a bit like he’s laying there.” Sian — “My side. My daughter hasn’t slept in her own bed since her daddy died, so she sle...
Amanda — “Whenever you want to. I’m nine months in and I’m ready to dip my toes in.” Hannah — “I haven’t, and don’t know if I ever will.” Fiona — “I have no idea. I need company, not romance.” Suzanne — “When it feels right.” Pauline — “I’ve dabbled with some dating sites and had a few dates, but I haven’t found anyone yet.”
Fiona — “I went back to work after a week or two. I’d like to give it all up but I can’t.” Leigh — “Never. I can’t see myself going back.” Andrew — “I’d been looking after my wife for close to 18 months. I’ve been off for almost two years now. I don’t think I’m ready, but I’m looking forward to going back.” Sian — “I went back after six months. I t...
Lucy — “I made memory boxes for myself and the kids.” Leigh — “I cleared everything out. Nothing is sacred but memories.” Jackie — “I let friends and family choose the things they wanted.” Kirsty — “I have a good friend who works for a Christian homeless charity and I gave some clothes to him. I have had thank you letters from people who have recei...
Jackie — “This has been hard, so I mainly stick to girls' nights out." Kirsty — “It’s not really a problem anymore.” Sarah — "I enjoy WAY events and going out with friends." Carolyn — “Well, he wouldn’t want me sat at home alone.” Rupert — “I tend not to go to the things that we both would’ve gone to.” Fiona — “I don’t really socialise. I just don’...
Kirsty — “I said that Daddy’s heart stopped working, and that he died.” Andrew — “I told them that Mammy had died and couldn’t come back, but that she lived on in our hearts.” Rupert — “My boys were adults by the time their mum died. We had to be open with one another.” Amanda — “Honestly and factually.” Sian — “One of my friends broke the news to ...
Fiona — “I don’t really want to. I find the idea scary. I’ve been away a couple of times since he died, and haven’t enjoyed it.” Hannah — “I’ve always loved holidays and I don’t think the children should be missing out. I find being at home alone is harder than being away.” Lucy — “I travelled to see my parents in Spain a few months after. I sobbed...
Apr 15, 2021 · A Young Widows Guide to Surviving the First Year. April 15, 2021 | in Grief, Hope and Healing, Hope for Widows Foundation, Mental Health, Widowhood Journey | by Piper Rose. Becoming a widow is hard no matter what stage of life you’re in, and the first year is brutal no matter what way you slice it. It’s not that the rest of widowhood will ...
May 23, 2022 · Let’s look at what widow brain is, what you could experience, how long it may last, ideas to help with widow brain, and wrap up with a few financial planning ideas to help make your financial life easier.