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Apr 26, 2023 · Daddy issues are psychological issues resulting from an absent, abusive, or problematic relationship with a father or father figure. It is not a clinical or medical term and is not officially recognized by psychologists or psychiatrists.
- Overview
- Why Do Some People Have Daddy Issues?
- What Causes Someone to Develop Daddy Issues?
- Signs of Daddy Issues
- Why Healthy Relationship With Father Figures Are Important
- Can 'Daddy Issues' Be Treated?
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During childhood, some people have distant relationships with their fathers or no relationship at all. Others might be so close that the relationship becomes unhealthy. Both situations can contribute to developing what people call 'daddy issues.' While people use this term often, 'daddy issues' are not an official mental health diagnosis.
This article discusses the psychology behind daddy issues, the signs you or someone you know has them, and why healthy relationships with father-like figures are important. You'll also learn whether or not daddy issues can be treated.
I Hate My Dad: How to Cope When You Feel This Way
How Do Therapists Feel About the Term 'Daddy Issues?'?
Some therapists may not like the phrase "daddy issues" because a child shouldn’t be blamed for their parent’s problem. Others say it’s understood that all of us are affected by how we were parented. Unhealthy parent-child relationships may instill mistrust and uncertainty, leading to daddy issues later in life.
Bianca L. Rodriguez, EdM, LMFT
It’s normal to have attachment issues based on your relationship with your father, mother, or primary caregivers. Your early attachment figures create what I call your 'intimacy template'—the foundation of how you relate to others as an adult. — Bianca L. Rodriguez, EdM, LMFT 4 Types of Attachment Styles
Unhealthy Close Bonds
While it's wonderful to be close to a father figure, in some cases, this bond can cross the line from being healthy and supportive to being unhealthy and damaging. If someone has a close bond with their father, this might suggest that their father favored them or took especially good care of them, perhaps even spoiled them. It might also be that they resembled their father more than their siblings and were rewarded for it. One explanation for developing an unhealthy close bond with one's father figure is if, while growing up, the father was attracted to or treated the child more like a date or romantic partner. This could lead to the child being subjected to mental, emotional, and sexual abuse. Having a close relationship with your father doesn't necessarily lead to daddy issues. This term refers more so to exceptionally close relationships that are unhealthy or potentially harmful to one's mental health.
An Absentee Father
Instead of having an overly involved father, sometimes people with daddy issues grew up with a father who was never around. The father might have worked a lot, left the family, or couldn’t be counted on due to a drug or alcohol problem. Dads who are physically distant may also be emotionally distant. An emotionally unavailable father also leaves substantial wounds. To fill that void, someone might constantly need attention and validation from older men to fill the father role. They might seek this older male's approval, advice, or company to compensate for the lack of physical and emotional closeness they craved as a child.
Sexual Abuse
Young children are vulnerable and trust parents to set appropriate boundaries. Sadly, adults sometimes cross those lines. A parent, stepparent, or another father figure may take advantage of vulnerable children, potentially causing the child to have daddy issues later in life. Sexual abuse creates complicated feelings in children. They want to love their father figure for taking them out, playing games with them, and caring for them. But they are also in pain because of the abuse. Children who are abused often blame themselves for what took place. Childhood trauma, neglect, and sexual abuse can cause them to feel shame. It also increases their risk of depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). If you are a victim of child abuse or know someone who might be, call or text the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453 to speak with a professional crisis counselor. For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.
Only Dating Older Men
A person with daddy issues might only be attracted to older males or father-type replacements. If someone had an unhealthy connection to their father or their father was away for various reasons, older men may be more appealing to date or marry. Being in a relationship with an older person may make them feel as if they have someone who will protect them. Whether consciously or subconsciously, they may yearn for the missing love they never received. Or they might seek an older male who is wealthy or flashy, confident, or seemingly in control. Someone with daddy issues might use dating apps to zero in on only older men who are financially stable and can take care of them. If they were the “apple of their father’s eye," the person with daddy issues may even want to duplicate that relationship and find a partner who worships and adores them. A healthy relationship involves a genuine understanding of and respect for one another as equals—not one partner putting the other on a pedestal. The danger of a relationship with a vast age difference may lie in a skewed power dynamic. Dating a much older, more successful father figure might force someone into a more passive or victimized position.
Being Jealous or Territorial
If individuals weren’t raised in a consistent, loving environment by their early caregivers, they might struggle to have meaningful relationships as an adult. One sign of an attachment issue is being overly anxious or jealous. Someone with daddy issues may constantly be worried that the person they’re dating is seeing someone else. Or they might imagine that someone is flirting with their partner.
Constantly Needing Reassurance
Rooted in a fear of being abandoned, those with daddy issues sometimes have an insatiable need to receive love. This might take the form of requiring constant affection, constant attention, or constant approval. While the person is truly anxious for a deep connection and attachment, they often go about getting it in unhealthy ways. They might repeatedly ask their partner if they are angry at them, for example, or always question whether they made the right decision. Over time, this can take a toll on the relationship.
The importance of fathers being involved in their families is clear. For instance, some studies have found fewer behavioral problems in children with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) who spent a higher quantity of time with their fathers.
Conversely, increased time and involvement with a father in at-risk families don’t contribute to a healthy dynamic. Instead, it can increase negative behavior problems, especially if the father is physically abusive.
In short, yes. For instance, there are ways to cope with an insecure attachment style by reconciling childhood experiences related to daddy issues and finding new ways to deal with insecurities. A good therapist can help guide those struggling with this.
While you can’t change your past, you can change the way you view your childhood and yourself.
- Barbara Field
Jul 13, 2021 · People use the phrase “daddy issues” to refer to father-daughter relationships that have a negative impact on the way a woman relates to men. Women with "daddy issues" do not have...
Jul 21, 2022 · Daddy issues are not a medical term or a disorder, but a way to describe insecure attachment styles formed in childhood. Learn how daddy issues can affect your relationships, sexual behavior, and self-esteem, and how to deal with them.
- Adrienne Santos-Longhurst
Aug 9, 2022 · Daddy issues are the link between challenges in relationships and less-than-ideal father figures. Learn how daddy issues can impact your attachment style, sexuality, and how to heal from them.
Mar 28, 2022 · Learn what daddy issues are, how they affect your relationships, and how to deal with them. Find out the types of fathers that can cause daddy issues and the attachment styles they trigger.
May 26, 2023 · Learn what daddy issues are, how they affect individuals, and how to overcome them. Find out the common signs of daddy issues, such as low self-esteem, difficulty trusting men, and seeking validation from others.
